Cleaving To One Another in Financial Turmoil

Once you become married to one another it is important that you realize that you marry into each others financial lives as well. Debt that you carried becomes your spouses debt and vice versa. Everything becomes "ours" whether it is good or bad. You must work through this together as one.

Make it a priority to come together in agreement on how the debt will be handled and paid off as one. You will have to sacrafice which leads to obedience to God. Proverbs 22:7 says, " The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender." Therefore, it is imperative that you strive to pay off all debt. You should be a servant to God not a creditor.

Have a meeting where you can come up with a systematic plan of getting rid of the debt so that you do not have to be a servant. Learn how to pay for things with cash rather than credit. I know that there are some things such as your house that you most likely can not pay with cash, but the general rule should be to use cash only.

The Bible says in Matthew 6:33,"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." This can not and will not happen unless you seek God first. So be sure to pray over you financial situation and invite the Holy Spirit to lead you over your finances.

God can not "add unto you" until he first knows that you are a good steward over what he has already given to you.

Dealing With Differences Of Opinion

We all know that we are different and therefore we have different views and understanding for the same situation. Two people can see and hear the exact same thing and give two completely different intrepretations of what occured.

As a married couple this happens more often than not. When it does make sure that you discuss the details with each other as each of you intrepeted them to be. Then if you can not come into agreement of what should, if anything, be done next take it to scripture.

The answer for every problem, situation, and circumstance is somewhere between Genesis and Revelations. You just have to be willing to take the time to find it. Once you do, then sit down and study the word. It may be necessary for you to each study it seperately and then to come back together for a final discussion. That is a determination that you have to make based on your personal relationship.

Pray over it individually and as a couple and invite the Holy Spirit to guide and direct what should occur next. Never try to figure it yourself.

Dealing With Long Distance

Not everyone is blessed with being in the same house with our spouse every day or most days. Unfortunately there are many times when each spouse is forced to be in different time zones, whether it is due to military, careers, children or what ever else.

This does not mean that your marriage has to suffer. The two of you can still maintain a strong and healthy marriage even if it does require some extra work. In the beginning, we were forced to be on opposite coasts. Here is what we did to make sure we were still kept close. If you are put in this situation follow some of these guidelines to at least help.
1. Continue to make time for each other. Whether it is on the phone, or our favorite the webcam. Let your spouse know that you are still willing to sacrafice time on their behalf.

2. Continue to share in all major decisions. Do not cut out each other when making decisions in regards to children, finances, careers etc.

3. Stay spiritually, emotionally, and mentally connected with each other.

4. Make it a point to visit each other taking turns of who does the traveling.

This can be difficult, but you have to trust God to give you the strength to get through this period in your marriage.

Share In The Care of The Household

No where in the Bible does it say that there is women's work and man's work in the care of the home. Husbands and wives need to share in the upkeep of the house. Obviously there are some things one of you will be better at than the other, but there is nothing wrong with the husband vaccuuming and washing dishes, just as there is nothing wrong with the wife pulling weeds and mowing the lawn.

Take turns in the care of house, you both live there and both make a mess. If you have children that are old enough, teach them to do chores. Even if you have to go behind them and re-do a lot of it, do not let them grow up without having chores. I speak from experience. I didn't have chores growing up and as a adult it was hard for me to clean up and became a source of stress for me.

Don't let it be a source of nagging, just know that it has to be done so just do it and get it over with. It is taking stewardship over your house. The Bible talks about how we are to be good stewards over what we have in our possession, so just do it.

Come up with a routine that is good for everyone to make sure nothing gets forgotten or duplicated because one person didn't know another didn't already do it. Share in the care and stewardship of the household.

Be A Ephesians 5 Husband

Husbands be a Ephesians 5 husband to your wife. In this chapter it says, "Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church." Your wife should not only feel, but know that you love her unconditionally at all times even when times are hard.

When a wife knows that her husband loves her unconditionallly she will be more secure within her marriage and with herself. Women need to know that she and the children are secure through her husband. No where in the Bible are women given this charge of loving her husband.

When women do not have this security, it opens the door to uneasiness and insecurity both within her marriage and herself. Husbands should be the first person a wife turns to in times of unrest and trouble. As a response, husbands need to be able to provide or do whatever it takes to rectify the situation. This is not to say that wives expect their husbands to work miracles at every problem or circumstance, it is to say that she needs to know that he will actively and diligently pursue a solution. When a husband does this, even if the wife does not necessarily agree with the method she will strengthen her respect.

Husbands and wives are two individuals that have come together as one. It doesn't mean that they will agree on everything. God created us to have our own mind, and the Holy Spirit speaks to each of us differently at different times. You should be able to come together in agreement. Even if you disagree on the course, you should agree on the destination

The Power of Multiple Streams of Income

Nowdays, there is no such things as job security. As a couple it is imperative that your ensure the financial health of your family, therefore I strongly suggest that you have multiple streams of income.

Make sure that you are not relying simply on one single paycheck every payday to get your family through the next week. This does not mean that I am saying that if only one of you works the other has to go back to work. What I am saying is make sure you have multiple sources, whether it is a side business, annuity, stocks or whatever else possible that will be there to provide for you in a time of need.

If only one of you is working and you lose your single paycheck, you have to know what to do in the interm until you get income following again. Trust me, when I say it is far better to have less than to have none. Do whatever it takes to make sure that you don't have to experience having nothing.

Get together with your spouse and make a plan today for your family to get multiple streams of income so that you will always have something rather than nothing to make sure your basic needs are being met.

Be A Proverbs 31 Wife

It always gets me when people say that they do not have a instruction manual to life. That is the one of the biggest lies ever told - it's the Bible. Wives be a Proverbs 31 women for your husband. Proverbs 31:10-12 says, "Who can find a virtuous wife? for her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her. So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."

Wives this means a couple of things. First it means that your husbands are to find you. Second it means that your worth is far above rubies to her husband. Third it means that her husband trust her so that he will suffer not lack. Fourth it means that you always edify your husband each and every day regardless of what the day.

The remaining verses discus how a wife is to care for the matters of the household. Whenever you want to know what to do as a wife study Proverbs 31 and allow the Holy Spirit to teach you to be the wife that God intended for you to be towards your husband.

Always go to the word of God for direction. Other wives may be good wives, but they are good wives to their husbands. What is good for your husband is different and the Holy Spirit will speak to you for your marriage.

Don't Rely on Your Spouse For Your Joy

So many times we allow our spouse to dictate who we are and how much joy we have in our lives. It is up to you to make a commitment that you are complete in Christ Jesus. Philipians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ you strengthens me." It does not say anything about your spouse.

It is not to say that you can not look to your spouse in times in difficulty or as a source of comfort. What it does mean is that you have Psalms 27:1 in your heart, mind, and spirit when it says, " The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life of whom shall I be afraid."

The Lord created joy for those that seek him first in all things. When you allow your spouse to dictate your attitude towards God you are failing to trust God. Psalms 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Focus on the plan that the Lord has for you. Understand that He will bless you, but it has to be on His time, not your time.

When times are tough find a scripture that touches you spiritually and post throughout locations that you can mediatate on it on a daily basis until it gets in your heart.

What To Do When You Fall Out of Love

Unfortuanately, I hear many married couples say that they have simply fallen out of love with their spouse. This is very sad and although difficult to come back from it can be done. This happens because although you give plenty of lip service to the fact that we have unconditional love for our spouse, we really do not. We may want to believe it, but don't actually believe in our hearts.

We are still prone to the world's definition of love, which states that we love according to how we are treated, their ways, how they make us feel etc. Unconditional love in it's purest form doesn't take any of these into consideration. Also notice in the Bible, no where does God command the wife to love her husband. However in Ephesians 5 God commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

Here are a couple of suggestions to get the love back in your marriage.
1. Get back to the romance. Even if it seems strange or uncomfortable, it will begin to feel natural as time goes on.

2. Get in your Bibles, together and study every scripture on marriage according to God.

3. Fellowship with other married couples that are righteous in their conduct, character and commitment.

4. Spend time together as a couple and continue dating.

Listen to your spirit and invite the Holy Spirit into your marriage to guide, direct, teach you how to have the instition of marriage as God intended.

Sometimes You Have To Let Your Spouse Fall

As hard as it is sometimes, as long as your spouse is not going to cause grave danger to your family you have to let them fall. God teaches throughout the Bible that we will fall from time to time because we are not perfect. We all know that Jesus was the only perfect man and we are continually being perfected.

Sometimes God is putting your spouse through something so that when he feels it is time He can bring them out of it. Then once they come out of it, they can see that only God can do it. Regardless of how much we love them, it is nothing in comparison to the way that God loves them.

Step back and allow God to work with them. When the come out of it, they will be much stronger as they build their relationship with the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Let them know that you are there for them in the natural and that you will love them continuously with unconditional love. Let God be God.

Set Goals Together

We all know the importance of setting goals both long and short term for our lives. We do it for ourselves, our children, careers, and everything else. It is also important to set goals for your marriage.

Sit down with each other and create a plan to reach both your long and short term goals as a couple, and family. It has often been said that the plan didn't fail, it was that you failed to plan. Before the Holy Spirit can guide and direct your plan, you must first provide a plan.

You can have all of the faith in the world, but we know that without works, faith is dead. When you make goals together it binds your marriage together into oneness. Habakkuk 2:2 states, "Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it." Take time to write it down and make a systematic plan to reach your goals.

It will cause you to cleave to one another. Set different types of goals such as spiritual, financial, administrative, family, educational goals together as one.

Opposites Attract

We all know that opposites attract. There are very few times when two people come together that are just alike. In 2 Corintians 2:14 it says, : But by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want, that there be equality."

This means that in areas were you are lacking your spouse can fulfil that lack and vice versa. When one of you are stronger than the other, you can lift the other. When this happens there is abundance so that none suffer lack.

Be each others strength in the natural when necessay. This does not mean that one is positive or negative or better than the other. It can just be so there is a balance. For example, one of you may be quiet and reserved and the other may be loud and outgoing. The two of balance each other out so there is not complete quiet or loudness. There is a happy medium somewhere in the middle.

Take time to appreciate the differences between the two of you. If your spouse was just like you, then there would be chaos and no balance within the household. Celebrate each other for you God created you to be.

Empty Nest Syndrome

I remember when I left home for college, my mother went through empty nest syndrome. My father did also, but not as much as my mother. I think that this is the case with most parents, most often when their child(ren) move away to college.

This can be a difficult time for parents for the simple reason they don't know how to act. For some reason they freak out and can't handle it very well. Here is the advice that I gave my mom back when I left for college.

1.) Get involved in new activities outside of the house. Don't sit in the house looking at the walls. Get out and do something fun and exciting.

2.) Make new friends. Be social with others that enjoy the same things that you do.

3.) Often times, parents stop dating when the children come. Now they are gone, if you stopped you can start dating each other again.

4.) Go on a vacation and do something just for the two of you. You have done plenty for your children now do something for you.

5.) Change there room to something else. This will also show your children that it is time for them to be one their own as adults.

Naturally, you will miss your children. However, you must remember that your children want you to be happy and not sit around and mope around because they are gone.

The Gift Of The Red Rose

During the course of your marriage you will undoubtedly experience trials and tribulations. There may be times when you don't want to or don't know how to express love to your spouse.

When my husband and I got married, during our ceremony the pastor gave each of us a beautiful long stemed red rose to be our first gift exchanged between each other as husband and wife. The red rose has always been a symbol of love.

When those times occur, go get a single red rose or more if you like and place it in a spot that your spouse will notice. Even when times are hard, it will let your spouse know that you still love them and are willing to go through the hard times together. Even if your spouse doesn't respond favorably or even acknowledge your gift in the natural it will touch their spirit at some level.

Many times it is what we do more than what we say. It may take time for your spouse to respond, but we must stay the course and continue to express love to our spouse. Even when your marriage is going through a high point, leave the gift of the red rose. If you only do it when times are tough, your spouse may begin to suspect things are not as good as they think when they do receive a rose.

What To Do If Another Married Couple Comes To You For Counsel

There are times when another married couple will come to you for counsel. They may be able to see through your conduct, character, and commitment that the two of you can provide good counsel.

This is a touchy subject. There are a couple of ground rules that you should follow.
1.) Never do it alone. It should always be the four of you together and you should all be in agreement.

2.) Confidentiality is critical. They have trusted you with intimate details of their marriage. What they say or do must be kept strictly private.

3.) Do not judge them. You do not have that right, only God can judge. Remain objective, realistic and respectful at all times.

4.)Most importantly, keep it scriptual. Even if they are not believers, you know what is scriptual so stick to it and put it up in prayer.

Always remain true to your conduct, character, and commitment as you help them through this difficult time.

Blended Family

More than ever there are more and more blended families. When one parent remarries it is important to realize that the other parent becomes the parent. For example if mom remarries or marries someone, her husband becomes father to the child(ren). The opposite is also true if a father remarries or marries again.

This does not mean that the child's relationship with their biological father ceases to exist or that they must stop loving, honoring, or respecting their biological father. It does mean that the non biological parent must treat their spouses children as their own. Just because they did not procreate to have that child there should be absolutely no difference in how they raise the child.

When you marry, you must become a family unit as husband, wife, and children. You are to be the authority of the children. They are your children. The word "step-children" is completely worldly. Do not allow any form of disrespect towards the new parent from the children.

The children will take time to adjust, but will the proper guidance and love they will learn to respect, honor, and cherish their time with you. Exercise patience and love with them at all times.

Celebrate Each Other

Although the big things matter, we need to take more time to celebrate the small things that we see in each other. We already know the conduct, character, and commitment of our spouse, but when is the last time you noticed something small.

Husbands, would you notice if your wife changed her hairstyle or perfume? Sometimes you need to major in the minor. Often times a bunch of little things can add up to be more than the whole. It makes you appreciate what you do have in each other and not to focus on what you don't have.

Wives, would you notice if your husband changed his hairstyle or cologne? It goes both ways. You can't expect him to notice you when you don't notice him. It shows that you pay attention to each other and brings you closer as husband and wife. Let the other know that they are special enough to pay attention towards.

This is not to say that you need to neglect the big picture, but what it does say is that when you focus on the small picture the big picture will become much clearer.

Romance Is Key

Romance is key within your marriage. How romantic a couple is during the course of their marriage is a true testament to how much they are in love. When a husband does something romantic for his wife for absolutely no reason at all without any hints dropped by his wife, it can do wonders for their marriage.

What husbands may consider cheesy or corny women consider sweet and romantic. It shows wives that their husbands are willing to pay careful and close attention to the little details. Women are genetically coded to be more feeling, emotional, and the ambiance of their environment are important to them.

Many husbands may not appreciate a candlelight dinner the same way a wife would, but just spending time watching sports on television with him, may be what he wants. Ask your spouse what a perfect night alone with you would look like. You may not be able to re-inact the evening completely, but you can make a effort to come as close as possible. Husbands, your wife might tell you a dinner at a cafe in Paris on a terrace. You might not get to Paris, but you can arrange for a nice candle light dinner in the backyard under the stars with some soft music to dance the night away.

What Stage Is Your Marriage

Every marriage goes through various stages, the honey moon, the party over and the mature love stage. Every stage is pretty self explanatory, but let me explain each stage to you.

In the honeymoon stage it is what we all dream about, the endless sex, the candlelight dinners, forever romance my spouse can do no wrong. You love their dirty underwear stage. This is when people often say they are glowing.

Next comes the party's over stage. This is often a rocky time for a lot of marriages. Often times then is when reality hits and you may begin to second guess your decision to marry your spouse. It is when we turn our attention elsewhere and if you did not build your marriage on the rock of Jesus as in Matthew 7:24 then your marriage can fail.

The third stage is the best is yet to come and is the most rewarding stage, because it is when you are mature in your love for each other regardless of each others imperfections, personal interests and you know that no matter what happens nothing besides death will cause you to part from one another. It is the most rewarding of all of the stages.

Every marriage has to go through each of the three stages. The length of time that you spend in the honeymoon and party's over stages will vary depending on your marriage. However, you must go through them to enter the best is yet to come stage.

How Do We Keep From Being Roommates

Often times in a marriage it seems as if the two of you seem more like roommates than spouses. Don't allow this to happen in your marriage. Keep the passion alive and thriving. Don't automatically assume that the other already knows how you feel about them. Express yourself to them physically, spiritually, and mentally.

Your spouse should know that after the trinity you are number one in your life. The only way you can do this is through conversation and maybe even to a greater extent through your body language. Be intimate with your spouse at spontaneous times. Do let it get boring or even routine.

Keep things fresh and new and just have fun together. People should be able to see you two together and know that you are involved in a relationship. If people are surprised, then you may want to increase the level of intimacy within your marriage.

Keep the fire alive in your marriage. If necessary, find or create things to do together as a couple. Of course, we all need some amount of alone time but also schedule ample amount of time for each other.

You had roommates in college, now you have a life partner in a spouse. There is a difference. You married a husband or wife, not your roommate.

Husbands-Please Remember Important Dates

I don't know why, but it is important to wives that their husbands remember the important dates within the family unit. Often times when a husband forgets an anniversary or birthday you would think the world is coming to a end.

Women want to know that her husband pays attention to the details. This is hard for husbands because they just want to know the headlines, wives want to know the details of the situation. When husbands show to their wives that they are willing to know the details, it shows that they are paying attention to them and they feel love.

This is evident when a husband might remember the general gist of a conversation, but the wife will remember every word down to what her husband was wearing at the time of the conversation.

Husbands are bound to be forgetful when it comes to these important dates so do yourself a favor and put them on your daily calender or palm-pilot for next year. Take time out to pay attention to the details, your will be greatly rewarded.

Questions Before "I do"

It makes sense although many do not take the time necessary to do some basic communication before the big "I do" If you take this time, then you can avoid any unwelcome surprises, conflicts, or incompatibilities.

Here are some basic questions that you should have a full understanding of your spouse prior to marriage. Doing so will greatly improve your liklihood of having a marriage of heaven on earth or if not it can be hell on earth. Not doing so does not mean that you can't have heaven on earth, but you will have much more work.

1.)What is your relationship with your family?
2.)How do you handle money?
3.)How many children do you want or already have?
4.)What are your spiritual viewpoints?
5.)How do you handle stress?
6.)What are your other interests, habits, etc?
7.)Where do want to live?
8.)Do you have any major health issues?
9.)What is your work ethic?
10.)What is your overall lifestyle?

These should only be a begining to your conversations. Find out all you can before you say "I do" so if it isn't right you can get out before you are married.

Dealing With Major Hurt

There are times when we have been deeply hurt whether it is was personal or within our marriage. It is important that we are open with our spouse and deal with the hurt and pain as it occurs and not allowing it to fester inside of us.

Hebrews 14:5 says, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet within sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace in the time of need." God knows that we are hurting and will always sympathize with our pain. However, he will give us the mercy and grace necessary to get through the hurt and pain.

Lean onto God and be open with your spouse. Turn to the Bible as a couple and find every possible scripture dealing with your particular issue. Look to your spouse for support in the natural. Keep everything out in the open, when you hide secrets they take over your heart. As a spouse of the one experiencing the hurt, be a soft place for the hurting spouse to fall. There should be nothing that your hurting spouse can't confide in you. Take them to scripture and prayer to help them heal.

You Don't Like Your Spouse's Friends

There are times when we simply may not like our spouse's friends or a particular family member. This can be a very touchy topic for a lot of marriages for a couple of reasons.

1.) Your spouse is an adult and you are their husband or wife not their mother or father of a minor.

2.) The friend or family member has done nothing wrong giving reason to cause distance.

It is important that you do not give your spouse and ultimatum between their friends and/or family member and you. This will only drive an wedge between the two of you and be a possible source of stress. Here are a few suggestions on how to handle this type of situation.

1.) When alone with your spouse you can occassionally mention your reasons on why the friend and/or family member rubs you the wrong way. When doing this be careful not to judge or come off as nagging. Keep it in a manner of love.

2.) If you are put in situations in which you must deal with this person, make sure you remain yourself in your conduct, character, and commitment.

It is up to your spouse to determine who their friends are going to be. You can voice your concern, but don't make the decision for them and expect them to follow. Just remember that you most likely have friends and/or family members that they don't particularly like. It goes both ways, sometimes you just have to sacrafice for the sake of your spouse.

Dealing With The Major Decisions

Throughout the course of life, there are times when you have to make major decisions that will affect your marriage. These definitely deserve time for deep conversation and time for each of you to come together in prayer both on your own and together.

There always should be a format that is used for these type of decisions.

1.) Seek counsel from the trinity.

Go to the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit first and foremost. Let them guide you in your final decision. Be careful of counsel from outside sources. If you do seek outside counsel be sure that it is Godly and not just someone else's opinion.

2.) Focus on the final outcome and not on the course, by counting the costs.

Be sure the outcome is what is best for your family and marriage in the long run. Just because the course looks attractive or fun, it may no be what is in the best interest of your family and marriage.

3.) Do not rush into anything.

These decisions take time to really consider and to put up in prayer. Make sure they are done in God's time and not your own. If you don't know what to do, then it is better to do nothing than to rush and do the wrong thing. God will tell you what to do when He wants you to do it.

Remember God is soverign and reveal what he wants to you, when you need it. You can't rush God. Matthew 7:24 teaches us to build our house on the rock of Jesus and your house will not fall."

Sow and Reap In Your Marriage

We all know that you sow what your reap in life. It is God's plan to fulfill our lives. Even as we come together as one in our marriage we are first woman and man, therefore we have different interests, pet peeves, likes and dislikes. We were all created by God to be different and do not have any right to say that it always has to be our way or no way.

It is important for your spouse to know that you are willing to sacrafice on their behalf. There are times when you will have to do something that you simply can't stand for your spouse. This is a two way street, because they will also do the same for you. When they know that you are more than happy to sacrafice for them the more than happy they are to do it for you.

When you do this, your are sowing love into your marriage towards each other. Therefore you will reap love in return. God will see this as obedience to your spouse and continue to fulfil your life with blessing after blessing.

The opposite is also true, if you are not willing to sacrafice for your spouse do not be surprised when they are not willing to sacrafice for you. God will then see this as disobedience to your spouse and your blessings will cease.

PDA's Public Displays of Affection

Husbands this one is for you. You may think that PDA's( Public Displays of Affection) are disgusting. Let tell you, most wives love PDA's under the condition they are in good taste and respectful.

Women are generally more into the emotion and affection as it relates to her husband. PDA's may include the following when appropriate.
1. Holding hands.
2. Arm around shoulders or waist.
3. Casual kissing. There is bedroom and private kissing and then public kissing. You know the difference, private kissing should be kept private.
4. Cuddling. The same rule for kissing applies for cuddling.

Husbands, if you do not already participate in PDA's then I suggest you start. If you do then keep up the good work and make sure it is frequent and often. I promise you will see a improvement in the bedroom. Women will respond in your favor.

This does not mean that every where you go with your wife, you must practice PDA's, but make it natural and your wife will thank you for it. Never do anything that causes either one of you to be uncomfortable. Be proud to show your love, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Perform PDA's as spur of the moment and have fun.

Pick Your Battles

So many marriages have so many problems not because of anything major such as adultery, abuse, alcoholism, drugs etc but because of the little nit-picking things. It is so very important to pick your battles within your marriage.

When it comes to nagging over something that is small really take the time to decide if it is really worth starting an discussion or even saying anything at all. There is nothing worse to a husband than a nagging wife, just as there is nothing worse to a wife as a nagging husband. We all do things that iritate our spouse that we see as no big deal. Just as we do it to them, they will do it to us. It is not up to us to point out every single little thing.

For example, if your spouse squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and you insist on squeezing it from the bottom don't make it a issue. Get two different tubes of toothpaste. If it is not going to effect your marriage in the big picture then move on. Your spouse will get the clue. Take time to read your spouse's body language, you can say anything out of your mouth. However, your body language will tell you a person much more and can not be hidden as easily.

Stop majoring in the minor stuff and turning mole hills into mountains. Pick your battles and take time to dicuss the major issues that come in marriage as you develop your relationship with the trinity.

In-Laws and Parents

When you were a child living in your parent's house, you did not interfere in their marriage and now that you are married, your parents should not interfere in your marriage. Just as you had respect for their house, they are to have respect for your house.

In Matthew 19:5-6 it states, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh. Therefore, what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." and then it is said again. In Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh."

As you are to always honor and respect your parents, you are to cleave together as husband and wife. Continue to make decisions based on the greater good of your union together according to the plan of God. It is possible to maintain a positive and Godly relationship with both sets of parents, but your spouse is to be the one that you turn to in terms of your marriage. Do not involve your parents in the details of your marriage.

Your parents did the same so they will respect and honor you for doing the same. Seek God first in all circumstances and situations and he will give you the answer.

Fellowship With Other Married Couples

It is important to fellowship with other married couples. It is not to say that once you become married that you can't socialize with singles. However, you do have to be careful in the sense that often times singles are attempting to find a mate and often times are not faithful to one person.

They may try to get you to do the same and cheat on your spouse. Also many single friends that have been burned or can not find a potential spouse will often times try to interfere with your marriage. They will make you see issues that may not really exist.

However, there are many single friends that will continue to uplift and will show full support for your marriage and know their limits in terms of your relationship with them.

Fellowship with other married couples that are saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit and they can continue to inspire you to grow in your relationship with the trinity.

My Spouse Is Not Saved

More often than not one spouse or the other becomes saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit at the same time. Everyone gives their salvation at different times as God continues to move in each one of us separately.

In 1 Peter 3:1 says, "Wives, be in subjection to your own husband, that, if any obey not the word, they may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives." This is especially true when wives are saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit prior to their husbands. It is not for the wives to continually preach to her husband. What wives see as trying to teach their husbands to bring them closer to the trinity, husbands will often see as nagging and will resist as a result.

It is better for wives to continue to be a credible witness as she gives glory to God. Husbands will respond when they see how the trinity lives within his wife. Be a example of how to live.

In Ephesians 5:24 it says, "So let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." So husbands, if you are saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit and your wife is not, continue to lead her as a man of God. Continue to be a credible witness and your life will give life to the seed that you plant.

Regardless of how your spouse acts, always continue to allow Jesus to live through you in your character, conduct, and commitment.

Authority in the Marriage

When God created marriage, he created it in order. Father, Son, Husband, Wife, and then children. Ephesians 5:22-33 talks about the husband being the head of the wife as Jesus is the Head of the church. The husband is to cleave to his wife and love their wives as their own bodies."

Husbands are to ensure that they are there to lead their wives into a direct relationship with the trinity. " He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.

The word of God says in Matthew 23:11 says, " He that is greatest among you shall be your servant." Husbands, you are to serve your wives. Proverbs 12:4 says, " A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband."

Women are life givers to the seed that is planted by their husband, whether it is good or bad. When Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, God held Adam both accountable and responsible. It was not considered sinful until Adam ate the fruit.

Whatever you do, do not allow your marriage to get out of order. Stay under God's authority and seek Him first at all times and He will continue to bless your marriage.

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

When my husband and I first decided to get married we can up with 10 Commandments for our marriage. I would encourage the two of you to do the same. Here are our 10 that we came up with as it pertains to us. They are all based from the Bible.

1. Seek God First. Matthew 6:33 and Mark 12

2. Daily prayer together as a couple Acts 6:4, Ephesians 6:18 Jude 1:20

3. Honor and respect each other at all times.

4. Open and non judgemental communication Eph 4:29 Phm 1:6

5. Daily verbal communication.

6. Continue dating throughout our marriage on a regular basis.

7. Continuous education in marriage.

8. Divorce is not a option Matthew 5:31-32 Mark 10:7-9

9. Never under any circumstances go to bed angry.

10. Continue to uplift and encourage each other according to the trinity.

It is not to say that your it has to remain at 10 commandments. They may change or as a couple you may add more or the order of priority may change. Always go to the Bible as it relates to your marriage.

Marriage Myths

There are so many myths that people believe about marriage that need to be broken. Never forget, God is the creator of marriage and should be the source of where you go for your marriage.

Myth 1.) The grass must be greener on the other side.

Stop looking at other marriages and making the determination that they have a happier marriage. You only see what they portray to the outside world. You have absolutely no idea of what they have going on within the walls of their home.

Myth 2.) Things will just fall into place.

Marriage is work. We must continually work at it, for we know faith without works is dead. Things just don't fall into place, you must set the foundation and continually work for your marriage.

Myth 3.) Marriage will make you whole.

Genesis 1:26 says, "Let us make man in our image according to our likeness, let him dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." You were made whole when God created you.

These are just a few of the common myths that the world has convinced us of about marriage. It is why you must always rely on the unchanging and uncompromising word of God for your marriage.

Time Apart

The Bible teaches that we are to be each other's best friend and be one with one another. It does not say that we have to be joined at the hip 24/7 everyday of the year. As a married couple, you must understand that every now and then you need some time apart. There is a fine line between too much time and not enough time apart.

Take time to recharge your battery and a fresh view. When you come back to your spouse you will be rejuvenated and refreshed. Husbands and wives need time to reflect on things both together and apart. When you miss someone, it makes you appreciate them that much more. If they are always there, then often times you will just expect them to do certain things and lose appreciation for them.

There are times when a disagreement occurs, you need to take a moment alone with God to just pray about it first. James 1:19 says,"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." Do not feel guilty for needing time away. Come back together in love and humility.

Be Your Spouses Cheerleader

I can't tell you how much it saddens me when I see spouses that don't show support for each other. The world makes it a point to down play your dreams, tell you that you are not good enough, that you were a mistake, that someone else can do it better. Be your a enormous cheerleader for your spouse. They should know that even though Philippians 4:11 says, "I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me." you believe in them as well.

When your spouse has doubt, take it to prayer and then to your spouse. Sometimes, they need a soft place to fall when times get tough. Get quiet and pray together as husband and wife. Your spouse should know that as long as they follow Jesus, you will follow them in their dreams. When your spouse comes to you always be there to uplift and encourage them to succeed. Don't place a value on it. Just because it might not make much sense financially, it can be God's plan as they do the work of the Lord. It is not up to you to put a value on it. God gave them that dream and you have absolutely no right to try to take that dream from them.

There will be times when you may not understand, or even like whatever it is that your spouse is dreaming. Newsflash! God gave it to your spouse not to you. God has given each of us hopes and dreams that are unique to us. Matthew 7:1, says "Judge not, that you will be not judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." Therefore you do not have any right to be judgemental. Only God can judge. If it is not to be, then let God reveal and remove it. Then God can restore.

God purposed each one of us before the foundation of the earth. John 17:24, "You loved me before the foundation of the world." God intended for you as each other's spouse to have his voice within your marriage. Give back God his word in your marriage. God is not the author of failure. Always be your spouse's loudest, biggest, and boldest cheerleader!

Stroking Husbands Egos

Wives if you haven't realized it by now, you have been under a rock but men have egos. This includes tongue talking, Bible reading, Christian men of God. If you try to deny it in any way, shape or form it will raise unnecessary havoc in your marriage.

Wives must realize that men do not like to be told what to do. Even when they are wrong they would much rather let themselves fail and get back up on their own than to have their wives tell them ahead of time. If you don't believe me, think of how many disagreements have happened because husbands were driving somewhere unknown and will drove in a million circles even though the wife knew the correct route. Often times the same thing occurs in daily situations such as financial, economic,and administrative matters. In Ephesians 5:23, " For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body."

There will be times when we have to stroke their egos so that they can continue to follow Christ Jesus and not get in the way. Just as we are to trust the trinity of God, we are to trust our husbands. Trust that your husband will get you through the situation. It is vital that your husband believes that you honor, trust, and respect him according to the word of God.

Affair Proofing Your Marriage

As you well know, adultery is extremely prevelant and common in the world. There are even websites that promote cheating on your spouse. We all know that adultery is considered a sin and is one of the 10 commandments. What you might not know is that in Matthew 5:28 the Bible says, " But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

There are some basic rules that can not be broken or even bent in terms of keeping adultery out of your marriage.

1. Protect the priority of your marriage. Besides God, absolutely nothing should come before your marriage. Always without fail let your spouse know that they are your top priority.

2. Give your passion to your spouse. Do not have any communication about personal and private information with someone of the opposite gender in regards to your marriage.

3. Connect on every level with your spouse, everything that you go through should be together as a couple. Do not allow secrecy into your marriage.

4. Take responsibility and accountability for your part in the situation. Confess your sins before Jesus, and repent. Once there is repentence, the God can restore.

Even if your spouse has turned completely away from you in every way, it does not justify adultery. Seek God first at all times and he can restore your marriage. Do not make the mistake of saying that it can never happen in your marriage. Admit that there has been temptation, but that you must not given in. James 1:15 says, "Then when desire has conceived it gives birth to sin, and sin when it is full grown, brings forth death."

Hang Out Time

There comes a time in marriage when you just have to do absolutely nothing of importance. Just hang out together in times of fun. Be spontaneous and do things just for the sake of doing it. Don't let everything be by the book. The two of you are responsible enough to make sure that home is taken care of and not to do anything that will cause harm to your household.

Don't worry about every penny or that the house is in perfect order at all times. Don't be afraid to live a little. Remember, Matthew 5:48 says, " Father in Heaven is perfect." No where in the Bible does it say that we are perfect. If we were perfect, then God would not have given us the Holy Spirit. Mark 1:8 says, I indeed baptized you with water, but He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit."

God never wanted you to be bored, or to do without. He wants you to be able to have a wonderful life that is based on the word of God. Being a good steward over your finances and home does not mean that you have to become a slave to them. Do not put your finances or materialistic things above God. Seek God first and give God the glory and he will see that your needs are meant.

Your Trials and Tribulations

Each one of you are going to have a certain number of trials and tribulations that you will go through not only as husband and wife, but also as women and men. Remember even though marriage was created by God, he created men, then women, then marriage. Therefore it is important to remember that before we are married, we are men and women first. That means that we will have trials and tribulations that pertain to us in that manner.

What matters is how we handle them in our marriage when they do come, because they will come. It is just a matter of time. With every decision you make, you decide your focus. It is up to you to either give God the glory and ask the Holy Spirit to guide and direct your footsteps or to lean onto your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the Lord will all thine heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths."

Never go to your spouse about something that is a trial or tribulation without taking it to God first. Listen to what God tells you. If you are obedient to the word of God, He will give the words, mannerisms, and guidance in how to approach your spouse so that the trial or tribulation can be resolved in a manner in which it gives God the glory.

Come Out of Your Comfort Zone

There are times when you have to come out of your comfort zone. God does not care about whether or not you are comfortable or not, what He cares about is whether or not you are obedient to his word. His word says that you are to become one with your spouse in several scriptures throughout the Bible.

That means that you are going to have to do things that make you completely uncomfortable for your spouse. You are going to go places that you would rather not, be with people that you don't particularly like, or what ever else for your spouse. However, your spouse is to do the same for you. Their should be a balance and one should not always have to do the compromising.

Each one of you should understand that you are important to the other person. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us when he died on the cross for us. The least that we can do for our spouses is to make sacrifices for them. As long as whatever it is, is not contrary to the word of God, make the sacrifice.

If you are not willing to ever sacrifice, then it will give the devil a foot hold on crevices that can become valleys within your marriage. Your spouse should be able to rely on you for anything. Don't let a little incompatibility get in the way of your marriage. Pray for strength from God to get you through the situation or circumstance.

Understand Each Others Strengths and Weaknesses

When God created marriages, he made it so that opposites attract,where one is weaker the other is stronger and vice versa. We can only use what we have, we can not use what we do not have whether it is in life, especially within your marriage.

In 2 Corinthians 8:12-14 says, " For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have. For I do not mean that others should be eased and your burdened, but by an equality that now at this time your abundance may supply their lack, and that their abundance also may supply your lack-that there may be equality." Each spouse needs to allow the other to use what they have. When you try to use something that you do not have, then you will open the door to difficulty and conflict.

As long as each of you continue to walk in what you have to the utmost as you seek God, then God will do the rest. Remember there is nothing that is impossible for God. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." and if you keep reading down to Philippians 4:19, it reads "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

When you come to God in weakness, God can show his power in your situation and/or circumstance. When you develop your relationship with the trinity and give God the glory, God will restore you more quickly. When you turn from the trinity, God can not trust you with his power and He will prove to be sovereign.

Build your relationship not only with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, but also with your spouse. Don't spin your wheels trying to do something when you don't have it. The key is to use what you do have and for your spouse to use what they have to the fullest and allow God to do the rest.

Forgive And Forget

One of the most challenging aspects of life that we are faced with each and every day is the process of forgiving and forgeting. According to the way of the world, often times we say that we will forgive. However, when it comes to the forgeting part,hesitations present themselves. We all know the saying, " I will forgive, but never forget."

When it comes to the word of God, we must forgive and forget. John 20:23 says, "If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them, if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." In Colassians 2:13 it reads, "And you being dead in your trespases and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him. having forgiven you all trespases."

If you pay close attention to the previous two scriptures you will see that you must forgive and forget. We know that Jesus died for our sins and all was forgiven. We also know that through several scriptures that we are to be a credible witness to Jesus and that Jesus moves inside of us. Therefore, just as Jesus forgave us, then we are to forgive others. This is absolutely critical between husband and wife.

When we do not forget, we are essentially having a direct correlation of putting Jesus back up on the cross. We are basically saying that the sin was not forgiven and that he did not die for our sins. So you have to ask yourself, " Is it really worth putting Jesus back on the cross?"

In order to forgive and forget, you must take each and every situation to the word of God. It is something that you should do as a couple. If you allow the word to cleanse you of your trespases, then you will be under the authority of God. Phillipians 4:8, " Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praise worthy-meditate on these things." If you do this, then you will not have any time left to think about anything negative or contrary to the word of God.

There will be trials and tribulations in your marriage, but if you stay focused on the word of God, you can find strength in your weakness and become stronger in your relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Money Matters

It is no surprise that financial matters are of the utmost importance within someones life. If you misuse and abuse it, it will flee faster than a dust particle in the wind. However, if you become a good steward over your finances then they will be there to take care of you.

Once you become married, then everything that was mine and yours becomes ours as a couple. This is especially true in the case of money. Your income becomes your spouses income as well as your debt becomes your spouses debt. If you try to fight this, it will open the door for strife and prevent oneness. God teaches in countless scriptures that we are to be one with our spouse.

Never put money above God. In Ecclesiastes 5:10, " Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless." and Hebrews 13:5 says, " Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with was you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you;never will I forsake you.' "

If one of you is better at paying bills then they should at minimum share with the other transactions. Follow these basic rules-

1.) Understand that labor is necessary. 2 Thessalonians 3:10 says, " For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat." Nothing is for free,

2.) Pay your full tithes from the first 10% of your income.

3.) Remember, everything is up for discussion.

4.) Bills do not miraculously disappear. Live below your means, pay off your debt, save, budget, don't try to keep up with the Jones'.

Don't love money above God. Matthew 6:24 states, " No man can serve two masters, for either he will hate one and love the other. or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."

Train Up A Child

The word parent is more than a noun, it needs to be a active verb that you do for your child(ren). Remember that God created each and every one of us, He then birthed them through a mother, but they come from Him.

Through several scriptures in the Bible it talks about not having sex, which is the sin of fornication, prior to marriage. Therefore, I will keep my focus on the role of parents as the married couple. However, this article is really for all parents whether they have children or have a close relationship with children. Just because you didn't give birth to them does not by any means that you can not parent.

Proverbs 22:6, " Train up a child in the way he should go. When he is old he will not depart from it." This means that you are to train your child to praise, worship, honor, and give God the glory. Joshua, put it very simple and eloquently, when he said in Joshua 24:13, "But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord." Do not make any exception on behalf of your children.

Make your children participate in church, daily prayers, home bible study, and self bible study. Let them know who they are according to God and not the world. Don't let them just wander in the wilderness. However, if they fall unless it will kill them or cause serious detriment, as hard as it is, you have to let them slip and fall. Then if you did the above, they will develop their own relationship with God. When they get back up they will give God the glory and learn from whatever caused them to fall.

This does not mean that you keep them out of the world. Show them the world, but let them understand they are not of the world. 1John2:15, "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him. For all that is in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-is not of the Father but is of the world."

When you come together as parents, it will bring you closer together as husband and wife. Understand your roles as father and mother. You must come together in the raising of the child. In the area of children, proactive communication is critical. When children do something you have to react immediately. The luxuary of waiting for a specific meeting or even a phone call to your spouse is often not permitted. Therefore you must have already come together to discuss what you will each do as a team. If you and your spouse disagree or react differently your children will put you two against each other and play the lessor of two evils against you.

Children learn by example not by what comes out of your mouth. If they see you two acting unGodly in your marriage, then they will do the same when they get married. They will learn what marriage is supposed to be according to what they see you do in your marriage. Therefore, it is absolutely critical that you show them a God-driven marriage.

Divorce is NOT a Option

If you pay attention to the world, the divorce rate is on the rise. Sadly, the divorce rate among Christians is also extremely high. This is something that I will never understand. How can you be a true Christian that claims to love God's word and have Jesus live inside of you and get a divorce. It is clearly stated in the Bible that Jesus hates divorce. Now, if you have to fear for your life then for the sake of your physical safety go downtown and file for the divorce.

The Bible also speaks about the importance of guarding your mind. When you even speak about getting a divorce, you give life to it. When God created marriage, He created it to be forever. Mark 10:6-8," But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man seperate."

If you continue reading down to Mark 10:11, it reads "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." We all know that one of the 10 commandments in Exodus 20:14, "You shall not commit adultery."

When strife shows up, always go to the word of God for the answer. There is the answer to every problem and every situation somewhere in the Bible, it is just up to you to find it. If you feel that you must go outside of your marriage make sure it is someone that is qualifed. The two of you need to agree on that person. It should be your pastor or someone that you can trust with complete confidence and respect. You should never go behind anyones back. If they are not actively participating, you owe them the respect of making your decision known to them and at least hear what they have to say. Once they see the change in you they may be more willing to participate. However, if they feel they are being shut out, they may rebel.

Guard your mind and don't even allow it to be a topic for discussion. God is not the author of failure or quitting. If you fail or quit it is a permitted response from you. They only one to blame is yourself, it is not of God.

Mix It Up

It is so unbelieveably critical that you keep things new and fresh within your marriage. The worst thing that you can do is get stuck in a rut doing the same things over and over again. Change schedules around, keep it spontaneous and fun. I know that there are somethings that have to be on a schedule, but that is not everything. Even if you do the same things, but change the time it can work wonders in your marriage.

When the week becomes so predictible that your spouse knows exactly what you are doing, for how long, what time, what day of the week things tend to get boring awfully fast. When that happens, your spouse can stop paying attention to you. They feel that there is nothing more to learn, so why should they have to pay attention.

When your spouse doesn't have any desire to pay attention to you it opens the door to lack of communication, lack of affection, lack of excitement, and boredom. All of which if they enter into your marriage can lead to devastating effects within your marriage. Simply put they can all be stopped, if you would just mix it up.

Don't try to change everything at once because it can lead to chaos and confusion, which can also raise havoc within the marriage. Make small changes at a time. At first you probably won't even notice them until you make several of them where you can see the cumalative change.

Just always remember you responsibilities to your family and that nothing gets left behind. Reinvent ways to ensure everything that is necessary still completed. Nothing of importance should be neglected in the name of mixing it up.

Marriage Take Three

God created the institution of marriage between man and woman in the book of Genesis. Therefore without having God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in your marriage, it will open the doors for strife, stress, worldly ideologies, human nature, and wilderness.

Come together in prayer as a married couple on a more than regular basis. Although as God's children we have our own personal relationship with the trinity, it is important to come together in prayer. The Bible teaches in 2 Corinthians 6:14, " Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers." If this is true then your spouse will already know the power of prayer and will want to come together with you in prayer.

If your spouse is not equally yoked, or doesn't believe in the power of prayer. Let them know that you are continuing to pray for them. You don't have to go into great detail. If fact, allow the power of God to rebuke, correct, and restore them as He sees fit. If you get in the way, you can hinder their relationship with God. Let God be God, not you.

We must always know that God hears our prayers. However, remember in Psalms 37:4, " Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I can't think of a better way than to develop your relationship and delight yourself in God than through prayer.

Know When To Be Quiet

There are times when it is better just to be quiet and allow your spouse to tumble a little bit. Sometimes when you speak too much, you get in the way of God. There are times when God will use you, but there are also times when God wants you to be quiet. The Serentity prayer says, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Ecclesiates 3:7 says, " A time to tear, and a time to sew, a time to keep silence, and a time to speak." Always take your prayers to God first, allow God to tell you how you should approach your spouse. Let God give you the words to come out of your mouth. Remember, 1Peter3:1 says, "Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, may be won bu the conduct of their wives." Often times, husbands will figure it out on their own. Continuously preaching the word, may seem as nagging. This is especially true for the unsaved, but can also be true for the saved.

If God wills for your spouse to be taught something, put your trust in Him. The Holy Spirit will teach them on His time, not our time. Remember as much as we love our spouse we do not know their tomorrow, so stop trying to act like it.

James 1:19 says, " So then my beloved brethern let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." Sometimes our spouse doesn't want to hear you say a word, but just needs to know that your hear them and that you can be a safe place for them to fall.

The Power of the Weekly Meeting

This is so extremely basic and most don't do it. The family meeting between husband and wife. If it is something that will involve the children and you can put it at a child's level, then by all means include the children after you have had the adult portion of your conversation.

There are a couple of rules for this meeting.
1.) Set it for a specific time and place. It should be the around the same time every week or month. If there seems to be a lot of issues, you can schedule them more frequently. Although, I recommend at least once a month.

2.) Determine what will be discussed ahead of time. Know what you are going to discuss. Just as you prepare for a meeting at work, prepare for the meeting with your spouse.

3.) Have a plan of what you hope to accomplish. Decide what progress needs to happen in order for productivity to take place.

4.) Be open for discussion and compromise. This is the perfect time to communicate your true feelings and the pros and cons of the situation and what needs to be done.

5.) Make sure meeting time is meeting time and nothing else. Eliminate the possibility of distractions. Get somewhere quiet where your focus will be on the situation at hand.

6.) Keep them to no more than about 45 minutes. Anything longer and the productivity level will likely suffer. Your attention span will begin to waver. You will start to say things, just for the sake of bringing the meeting to a end. If necessary, set another meeting to finish. You will get more out of three 45 minutes than one long meeting.

7.) First and foremost, begin each meeting with prayer. Bring the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in and allow them to guide, direct, and lead your discussion. Let thy will be your will.

Keep It Hot and Steamy

I know that some of you may be shocked to hear me and feel that keeping it hot and steamy is worldly. Let me just say this, when sex is used to show your spouse love and affection it can work wonders in your marriage. The overall health of the marriage greatly depends on how sexual you two are on a regular basis. Keep it spontaneous and unexpected. Don't let it get routine with the same time, position, location. Remember there is nothing that says it only has to take place in the bedroom!

If there is a lack of sex, more often than not there is distance, loneliness, distrust, disrespect, and a general sense of "is it really worth it." However, the opposite is true if there is sex within the marriage. There is more closeness, intimacy, affection, trust, respect, and a general sense of "marriage is wonderful and joyous."

I am not saying that your entire marriage has to be all about sex, just make sure it is not taboo in your marriage. There are some very basic questions that you should ask your spouse, such as,

1.) What can I do to please you?
2.) How many times a month, week do you need sex?
3.) Is there anything that makes you feel uncomfortable?
4.) Do you want me to initiate?

These are questions to ask each other. Don't wait until it is time for intercourse, do it when you are just having casual conversation.

The worst thing that you can do is to use sex as a weapon or reward? Don't withhold or give based on the situation. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, " Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power or her body: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." This means that even when you may not want to, you must consent to your spouse.

If you do not provide this to your spouse and they are not strong credible witnesses unto God, they will stray and open the door to infidelity. It is easy to see why you don't want to use sex as a weapon, however it should not be used as a reward. When it is used as a reward, your spouse can begin to think it is only given when they do something that it extraordinary or out of the normal.

Keep it hot, don't always let your spouse know what is coming. Never do anything that your spouse is offended by, but don't let a little uncomfortablity stop you. Just because you are uncomfortable in the beginning, does not mean that you won't learn to love it once you have done it for a while. Sex is just like everything else. Practice makes perfect! Don't be afraid to explore new sexual interests between the two of you. Rock each others world!

Love Language

When God created us, he created each of us to be different from one another. We all have our own ways, thoughts, mind sets, and emotions. Therefore, there are different ways in which we understand and relate to other people. Even in the case of what the world calls identical twins there are differences on some level.

There are three basic ways that we as people comprehend trust, respect, and yes...even love. As you know there are two forms of communication. They are verbal and non verbal. Whether or not you realize it, you utilize both in your every day life. There are three different ways in which others intrpret what we are trying to say. They are 1.)Auditory-pretty much what comes out of our mouth. Whenever we say something they pick up on our tone. Is it loving and soft or is it sarcastic, hard, or hesitiate? 2.) Visual-is simply what we do that they can see. Do we do things just to keep them quiet and from bickering or do we do them out of love and compassion. 3.) Kinsetic- How do we show affection towards them? Do we greet them with a hug and kiss or do we push them away when they even look like they want to get close?

Find out what your spouse's love language. If they are auditory they will need to hear you say "I love you". The spouse that is visual may not necessarily need to hear it, but see it through maybe receiving constant gifts for no reason. The kinsetic spouse may need to have that hug and kiss every morning. Just because your love language may be different, be willing to take the stretch and submit to their love language.

Be communicative about your love language. Let your spouse know what you need from them to show you that they have feelings of love towards you. Do not expect them to just know. The Holy Spirit is the only mind reader, don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader.

True love goes both ways between spouses. Before you can receive love, you must first be willing to give love.The more you speak their love language, the more they will speak your love language.

Love Your Spouse According to God

How many times has your spouse done something that deeply offended, hurt, or disgusted you to the pit of your soul. Have you ever felt dead when you look at them or would rather kiss a venemous snake than them? God is all power and can and will deliver you from all of the above if you delight yourself in the Lord at all times.

In John 15:14, "These things I command you, that you love one another." God just commanded you to love others. God wants you to love unconditionally the way that He loves you. Regardless of what the other has done, said, or even thought they are still a child of God. They were created just as you were created.

Therefore, you must love according to the word of God not according to their ways. In Matthew 5:44, "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who spifefully use you and persecute you." This means that even when things seem impossible and hatefullness, deceit, and despair, are within the situation or circumstance you must love them.

In 1Corinthians 13:4, "Love suffers long and is kind: love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, endures all things." This scripture is one that is commonly quoted, but it is what I consider to be one of the strongest scriptures in the Bible. It expresses the love of God. It is the type of love that should be shared with your spouse.

Love is something that knows no limit, there is absolutely nothing that it can not conquer. God loves each and every one of us for who He created us to be. Love your spouse according to the word of God and where there is death, the Holy Spirit can restore life. God is not concerned with individual ways, so love according to God and not their ways.

Do not misunderstand trust for love. Just because you love someone does not mean that you trust them. If you know someone steals, continue to love them but still watch your belongings. Trust in God at all times. The Bible teaches us that as husband and wife, you are to cleave to one another and become one. There will be problems, trials, and tribulations within your marriage. However, solve them according to the word of God and do not lean to your own understanding. You must put on the full armor of God to fight your battles, not the changing nature of man.

Newsflash: You are not God

I think we all know someone that has said over and over again, I wish that my spouse would....or he/she should.....or the infamous if only.... . All of these statements are something that each and every one of has said at some point in our lives concerning someone else.

Newsflash.. I know that this may come to you as a shock, but you are not God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. Ezekiel 36:27, " I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statues, and you will keep My judgements and do them." No where in the Bible does it say that we are the Holy Spirit. So where do we get the audacity to think that we can do what God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit can do in someone else's life.

The scripture teaches us that the Holy Spirit is put within us and we are to follow the commandments, statutes, and judgements according to God. 1Corinthians15:51, " We shall be changed in a moment in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible."

Stop trying to play God and change your spouse. God is God all by his self, he doesn't need or want our help in changing someone else. He has a plan for each and every one of us. When we interfere in God's plan that He has for our spouse then God must go to plan B. Focus on what God is telling you to change about you so that God can use you. Once you begin to change, your spouse will see the change in you and then they can begin to change according to God's will.

Allow God to be the directer, producer, author of your life and as you live as a credible witness. You can only be a witness according to the conduct, character, and commitment of yourself. Stop trying to play God and change your spouse. You don't even know your own future, so how can you expect to know your spouse's future?

The Power Of Prayer With Your Spouse

Daily prayer with your spouse can do wonders. It can keep a strong marriage that much stronger and its absense can cause havoc and destruction. Acts 6:4, "but we will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word." When we pray to the trinity it is giving God his word back to him.

It is during prayer that we can continue to give God the honor, power and glory. It is at this time that when you pray with your spouse, you are bringing God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit into your marriage. It has a direct effect of uniting the two of your into oneness. When this happens you are letting God know that your spirits are in direct connection with the Holy Spirit.

In Matthew 19:6, " Wherefore, what God hath joined together, let man not put asunder." When God created marriage, He intended for you to pray together in order to bring you into agreement under one accord. Make prayer a part of your morning ritual before you leave for the day. Start of each morning by coming together in love and presenting yourself before the Father.

Don't allow anything or anyone else disrupt this ritual. If you make it habitual then you will find that when trials and tribulations arise, God can answer them for you through your prayer. If you are not in the practice of praying together or one of you is not a Christian or believes in prayer, then continue to pray on your own. Let the other know why you pray and once your prayers are answered your spouse will see the benefit in you and will be more apt to begin prayer with you.

The Power of Oneness

When you become married, the first thing that you must realize is that it was created by God and that the only instruction manual that you are to follow once you become married is the word of God. The Bible has the answer for every problem, situation, circumstance, occurence, or what ever else you can think of.

Ephesians 5:21, "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." means that as husband and wife you are commanded by God to submit to each other as you submit to Christ Jesus. In Ephesians 5: 31, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is another commandment from God for the husband and wife to become one.

This means that married couples are to become one, mine and yours must be replaced with ours. When you keep mine and yours in the picture it continuously opens the door for division and separation within the marriage. Matthew 19:6, Wherefore what God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Don't let family, friends, mass media or any one else interfere within your marriage.

Let God be the deciding factor. When difficulties and differences arise, go to the word of God to settle them. Let God tell you spiritually what you should do in the natural to resolve the situation, emotion, etc.

Become one with your spouse and God will continue to show his favor and his blessing. Seek God in all that you do and say at all times.

The Power of Submission

Can I just take a moment to say that as husbands and wives we need to stop listening the world's definition of submission and trust in the word of God? In Ephesians 5:21-25, "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ Jesus. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Simply put, if every marriage put their trust into these few scriptures the divorce rate would sharply decrease and there would be many more happy and successful marriages. If you read the scripture carefully, you would see that the first command is for both husband and wife to submit to each other as they would submit to Christ Jesus. Before a wife can submit to her husband the husband must take the leadership role and show her submission. Once this happens the wife can and should submit to her husband as she would submit to God.

It is absolutely crucial that the husband feels that he is honored and respected by his wife. When a wife submits to her husband she is showing him honor and respect. In return the husband, according to the word of God will go to the ends of the earth for his wife.

The following scripture gives the husband the charge of loving their wives as Christ loved the church. This means that they are to make their wife's needs and interests ahead of their own. This is very interesting because no where in the Bible does the word of God give this charge to wives.

In 1Cornithians11:8, "For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man." Remember we are taught that Adam was created first and then Eve was created from the rib of Adam. So husbands take your God given role as leader as you take authority over your wives. Caution, remember this does not mean that you are king and what you say is law. This means that you show your wives that you can be a leader and love with agape love. Wives, this does not mean that you are to be a foot stool with no ground. It does mean that you are to honor and respect your husbands as he continues to follow Jesus.

Let Your Past Be Your Past

When you say those words, "I do" to your spouse you are to become one with them. In Matthew 19:6, "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. Therefore, what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." Let go of the old flames from your past. Yes we all know that unless we grew up together and have never had a relationship with another person we had lives. Although that is possible it is very rare.

Don't constantly compare your current spouse to your past exes. Let your joy come from whom you are with in the present. Especially if you are continuously talk about all of the great memories that you shared with your ex, you run the danger of making your current spouse feel that they are not measuring up and that you would rather be with your ex. On the other hand, if you continuously talk about how bad it was with your ex, you run the danger of making your current spouse feel that they are still paying for the exes mistakes.

Build new memories with your current spouse. Besides God, your family should be the center of your world. In Romans 8 we are taught that we are not to condemn others. Don't bring up the past as punishment. Take differences for what they are in the present situation at hand. Go to the Bible as a guide. In Romans 13:1, " Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God."

Live for today while you prepare for your future. Leave the past where it belongs, in the past. Isaiah 43:18, Behold, I shall do a new thing. It shall spring forth." Let God do a new thing in your marriage. The only problem that will present itself, is if you stay in the past.

Who Says That You Can't Stay Newlyweds

Who decided that the amount of time you and your spouse are newlyweds. I personally suggest that you continue to maintain the newlywed concept within your marriage whether you have been married for 10 minutes or 60 years. The point that I am making is that it is vital that you keep dating, keep trying to learn something new about each other, keep spending time together as a couple.

It is not to say that you have to be attached at the hip everyday, but it does mean that you have to continue to grow within your relationship. Keep dating, make it a point to spend one on one time with each other, continue doing this that are spontaneous. Go outside of the box. Every now and then do something that will completely throw your spouse for a loop.

Don't get caught up in a routine. Get out your comfort zone. Do things that are spur of the moment. Living needs to be a verb, not just a state of being. Make sure you do something different several times a month. Keep it fresh.

Continue to be newlyweds throughout your marriage and you will grow into oneness.

You Must Have a License for Sex

I can not begin to tell you how much it saddens me when I hear about young women and even some girls that are having intercourse way to early. There are so many pressures from mass media and from peers that say sex is alright at any age. Right now in the news there is a couple that just had a baby, the father is 13 and the mother is 10 or 11 years old. When the father was asked how he intends on taking care of his family financially, he didn't even know what financially meant.

In 1Corinthians 7;1 says, "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immortality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." Just as you are to have a license to drive you are to have a license to have sexual intercourse. There is nothing more precious to a woman than her virginity.

If a woman gives herself to a man prior to marriage then there is no incentive for the man to show himself as being worthy to marry. Matthew 5:28 says, " But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustfull intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." There are countless scriptures in the Bible that speak against both fornication and adultery.

So you say that you lost your virginity years ago and why does it make a difference at this point? When you become born again and baptized with the Holy Spirit you become covered with the blood of Jesus and a new creature in Christ. When this happens you become a "virgin" again. Once you have married then the two of you have the license for sexual intercourse.

In 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, " For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." Once married, sexual intercourse should be a main ingredient within your marriage. Do not use sexual intercourse as a weapon or lack thereof as punishment.

Men and women have very different reactions to sexual intercourse. Husbands thrive on it to know that the are honored and respected by their wives. On the other hand, women attach emotion to sex and to know that her husband loves her. Keep the sex plentiful and you will be well on your way to a great marriage.

Be Professional Students of Marriage

A professional student is someone that continually is learning. We should be professional students of God, meaning that we sould always be striving to further develop our relationship with God. We are given a text book known as the Bible to teach us how marriage is supposed to be done according to God.

God created marriage, so as married couples we should always be finding ways to strengthen our marriage. We are to use the Bible as our main source. However it is also vitally important to not only do marital Bible study together as one but to bring in other resources as well.

Make sure that if you bring in other resources, they are extracted from the Bible. They can be retreats, videos, books, websites etc. They can jump start your love for each other by bringing it closer to today. Always be willing to communicate, express, and discus your marriage in a open and honest manner, keeping God at the forefront.

Todays marriage is under constant attack. When marriages fail, it has a direct affect on every other institution from education to financial to also fail. It is not a coincedence that when the divorce rate increased the quality of the educational system also failed and the world went into financial ruin.

There is no where in the Bible that says marriage is easy. In order for marriages to be successful, they must be worked on all of the time. Take the time to make sure that your marriage is healthy. Until people start working on their marriage none of the other institutions in the world will be successful. Give our children a chance to have something when they become adults. At the rate we are going now, we are not leaving our children with much.

In Isaiah 43:18-20, "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing now it springs forth, do you no know it. I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." If you are having troubles in your marriage, listen to God and let Him do a new thing and make a way in your wilderness.
If God can raise Jesus from the dead, then he can raise your marriage from the dead. Stay focused on God and he can and will bring life back to your marriage.

Let Your Spouse Be Your Absolute Best Friend

While it is true that every woman needs other women as friends and every man needs other men friends, your absolute closest and absolute best friend needs to be your spouse. This must hold true in your marriage in order for you to have a 100% chance of happiness.

You must be best friends with your spouse if you want to protect it. Value each other with intimacy. When God created Adam and Eve, he created them completely exposed to each other in all aspects. There should be absolutely nothing that you can not expose to your spouse.

The best way to begin a wonderful marriage is to take the time to develop a strong friendship from the start. After your relationship with God, let your friendship with each other be your foundation on which you build with agape love.

Proverbs 17:17 says, " A friend loves at all times." You should be a safe place for each other and be there for each other in times of adversity. Be faithful to each other at all times. You are never best friends with someone when there is unfaithfulness. Don't ever threaten any type of unfaithfulness, it will bring trouble and strife in the marriage. It will give the devil a foot hold to grab.

Always believe in each other. When the world is continually telling you that you are a failure, you should know that in the natural world your spouse is on your side when things seem impossible. As a spouse, you should always speak belief and positive destiny.

Learn to celebrate your differences as men and women. Don't be ashamed to show your true self. Be glorious as you accept your differences without rejection. There should be proactive communication in which all topics and circumstances are discussed. Just because you don't agree on everything does not give you the right to condemn your spouse. Love them with agape love at all times.

What a Wife Needs from her Husband

Godly women want their husbands to be a man of Godly conduct, character, and commitment. Godly women want to know that their husband is strongly rooted in the word of God. In Ephesians 5:25 it says, "Husbands, love your wives , just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." This is a tremendous charge for the husbands. This means that husbands are to give themselves to their wives as Christ gave himself to the church.

The most important quality that a man wants from his wife is honor. In order for honor present itself, husbands must not try to force it onto their wife. Godly wives want their husbands to make things right in the home. They want leadership and security for themselves and their familly. There are three main characteristics that every husband should possess. They are prophet, priest, and savior head.

To be a prophet they diligently seek a relationship with the trinity of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. This is where the responsibility of initiating prayer and bringing the entire family closer to the trinity lays.

To be a priest means that husbands senitivilly and sacrafically gives for his wife's needs and helps her deal with spiritual, financial, mental, emotional and family needs. Men in general are extremely sensitive to their own needs and need to show that same sensitivity to the needs of their wife.

Ephesians 5:23, "For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of he church, and He is the savior of the body." Husbands be the Savior head in your family. Anyone in the family should be able to come to you to get a understanding of the word. They should know that you will provide leadership according to the word of God.

When husbands live according to these charges according to the word of God, then their wives will florish. It will allow wives to fulfil their gifts and live their lives according to the plan and purpose of God.

What a Husband Needs from His Wife

It is no coincedence that men and women were created to be together. In Proverbs 18:22 it says, " He who finds a wife finds a good thing. And obtains favor from the Lord." As women, we are continually referred to as "Helper" through out the entire Bible. As you also know the Holy Spirit is also referred to as "Helper". The Bible uses the same word to describe both the Holy Spirit and women. There are 5 shared roles. We all know about the Holy Spirit, so I will focus on the roles of women.

1.) Companion. We should always be our husbands number one companion. It is crucial to always keep fun and adventure in the marriage. Never let boredom enter into the picture. Keep dating and doing new things.

2.) Comforter. Our husbands should have a safe place to fall. We should always be there to provide comfort. They should be able to come to us with any and everything. Absolutely nothing should be off limits. The world continually puts undue and undeserved stress on our husbands, we should be a venue of relaxation.

3.) Couselor. We need to be there to counsel when and however necessary at all times. Women have the spirit of truth and are to uplift our husbands with the word of God.

4.) Convictor. There are times when we must tell our husbands that what they are doing is wrong. However, it must be done without condemnation. Once we convict, then we are to restore.

5.) Connector. Women have the spirit of peace. We want everyone to get along in relationships. We keep the family unit running smoothly.

This is how women show love, but in order for them to succeed it must be done with a gentle spirit. Always keep your faith in God and put your faith in God.

Make the Love Decision

Love is not a feeling it is a decision. Feelings change daily, if you have made the decision to love then your feelings become obsolete. You are commanded to love according to God. In 1Corinthians 13:4,"Love suffers long and is kind, does not envy, love does not parade itself. Is not puffed up, does not behave seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in inquity, but rejoices in the truth....love never fails."

We are to love each other the way that God loves us. Hebrews 13:5 says," I will never leave you nor forsake you." We are to love each other regardless of how we are treated. When you have a understanding of what true love is, everything else is a cheap substitute.

When you say the words, "I love you" to someone make sure they have meaning. To say them without meaning serves no merit. Marriage is not a contract to protect your rights. When you get married you give up your individual rights and everything that you have becomes your spouses and vice versa.

It is only God's love when it is lead by your decision. Jesus didn't worship emotions so neither should you. Learn how to forgive AND forget. In Romans 8:1 it states, " There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." If you are to be like Christ then you are not to condemn others.

Know that God is love and that you are to love like God.

Practice Proactive Communication

The only mind reader is God, so please stop expecting your spouse to be a mind reader! Every great marriage has had some type of trial or tribulation. God places them in our lives so that we can give Him the glory and so He can show that He is God.

The difference is how do we handle it. Communication is absolutely critical in every relationship but can make or break your marriage. There are three basic types of communication 1.) Radioactive 2.) Reactive and 3.) Proactive.

Radioactive communication is a guaranteed argument waiting to happen. It is painful, detrimental, absolutely no intimacy, extremely tense. This is when you purposely stab each other in the back, pour salt on the wound, and intentionally try to hurt and place blame.

Reactive communication is when you react after something arises. Tension can rise because you are unprepared. If not dealt with it can turn into radioactive communication.

Proactive communication is when you communicate rationally, listening to each other, giving your opinion, taking each other's opinion into consideration. Communicating about something before it becomes a issue. You are fully prepared with no surprises. You come together in oneness.

You can't have a good marriage until you get rid of the radioactive and reactive communication. There should be absolutely nothing that you can't have proactive communication. When conflict arises, always go to the word of God. The Bible has the final word.

Don't Have Unrealistic Expectations

There are so many times that we come into marriage with so many unrealistic expectations of what defines what our spouse is supposed to do for us. A major reason for divorce is that we become disappointed when our spouse does not live up to our pre conceived idea of marriage. When this happens, it is based on the systems of the world and we therefore try to use the world's way to remendy the situation and we fail.

Just as when you receive an apparatus or equipment to put together, you also receive some sort of directions. If you don't follow the directions, then there are bound to be errors. If for example you have a piece of electronic equipment you do not use the instructions to put a desk together.

In Genesis 2:18 KJV, the Bible says, "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make a help meet for him." If God created marriage, then we are to use His instruction manual, the Bible.

You have to be happy first as a person before you can enter into marriage. Don't expect marriage to complete you. It is imperative that you realize that you are complete in Jesus.

Know that you are worth fighting for and be sure to balance expectations realistically. Always go to the Bible to resolve any type of conflict. Keep excitement and adventure in your marriage.