Not everyone is blessed with being in the same house with our spouse every day or most days. Unfortunately there are many times when each spouse is forced to be in different time zones, whether it is due to military, careers, children or what ever else.
This does not mean that your marriage has to suffer. The two of you can still maintain a strong and healthy marriage even if it does require some extra work. In the beginning, we were forced to be on opposite coasts. Here is what we did to make sure we were still kept close. If you are put in this situation follow some of these guidelines to at least help.
1. Continue to make time for each other. Whether it is on the phone, or our favorite the webcam. Let your spouse know that you are still willing to sacrafice time on their behalf.
2. Continue to share in all major decisions. Do not cut out each other when making decisions in regards to children, finances, careers etc.
3. Stay spiritually, emotionally, and mentally connected with each other.
4. Make it a point to visit each other taking turns of who does the traveling.
This can be difficult, but you have to trust God to give you the strength to get through this period in your marriage.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Empty Nest Syndrome
I remember when I left home for college, my mother went through empty nest syndrome. My father did also, but not as much as my mother. I think that this is the case with most parents, most often when their child(ren) move away to college.
This can be a difficult time for parents for the simple reason they don't know how to act. For some reason they freak out and can't handle it very well. Here is the advice that I gave my mom back when I left for college.
1.) Get involved in new activities outside of the house. Don't sit in the house looking at the walls. Get out and do something fun and exciting.
2.) Make new friends. Be social with others that enjoy the same things that you do.
3.) Often times, parents stop dating when the children come. Now they are gone, if you stopped you can start dating each other again.
4.) Go on a vacation and do something just for the two of you. You have done plenty for your children now do something for you.
5.) Change there room to something else. This will also show your children that it is time for them to be one their own as adults.
Naturally, you will miss your children. However, you must remember that your children want you to be happy and not sit around and mope around because they are gone.
This can be a difficult time for parents for the simple reason they don't know how to act. For some reason they freak out and can't handle it very well. Here is the advice that I gave my mom back when I left for college.
1.) Get involved in new activities outside of the house. Don't sit in the house looking at the walls. Get out and do something fun and exciting.
2.) Make new friends. Be social with others that enjoy the same things that you do.
3.) Often times, parents stop dating when the children come. Now they are gone, if you stopped you can start dating each other again.
4.) Go on a vacation and do something just for the two of you. You have done plenty for your children now do something for you.
5.) Change there room to something else. This will also show your children that it is time for them to be one their own as adults.
Naturally, you will miss your children. However, you must remember that your children want you to be happy and not sit around and mope around because they are gone.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Blended Family
More than ever there are more and more blended families. When one parent remarries it is important to realize that the other parent becomes the parent. For example if mom remarries or marries someone, her husband becomes father to the child(ren). The opposite is also true if a father remarries or marries again.
This does not mean that the child's relationship with their biological father ceases to exist or that they must stop loving, honoring, or respecting their biological father. It does mean that the non biological parent must treat their spouses children as their own. Just because they did not procreate to have that child there should be absolutely no difference in how they raise the child.
When you marry, you must become a family unit as husband, wife, and children. You are to be the authority of the children. They are your children. The word "step-children" is completely worldly. Do not allow any form of disrespect towards the new parent from the children.
The children will take time to adjust, but will the proper guidance and love they will learn to respect, honor, and cherish their time with you. Exercise patience and love with them at all times.
This does not mean that the child's relationship with their biological father ceases to exist or that they must stop loving, honoring, or respecting their biological father. It does mean that the non biological parent must treat their spouses children as their own. Just because they did not procreate to have that child there should be absolutely no difference in how they raise the child.
When you marry, you must become a family unit as husband, wife, and children. You are to be the authority of the children. They are your children. The word "step-children" is completely worldly. Do not allow any form of disrespect towards the new parent from the children.
The children will take time to adjust, but will the proper guidance and love they will learn to respect, honor, and cherish their time with you. Exercise patience and love with them at all times.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Train Up A Child
The word parent is more than a noun, it needs to be a active verb that you do for your child(ren). Remember that God created each and every one of us, He then birthed them through a mother, but they come from Him.
Through several scriptures in the Bible it talks about not having sex, which is the sin of fornication, prior to marriage. Therefore, I will keep my focus on the role of parents as the married couple. However, this article is really for all parents whether they have children or have a close relationship with children. Just because you didn't give birth to them does not by any means that you can not parent.
Proverbs 22:6, " Train up a child in the way he should go. When he is old he will not depart from it." This means that you are to train your child to praise, worship, honor, and give God the glory. Joshua, put it very simple and eloquently, when he said in Joshua 24:13, "But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord." Do not make any exception on behalf of your children.
Make your children participate in church, daily prayers, home bible study, and self bible study. Let them know who they are according to God and not the world. Don't let them just wander in the wilderness. However, if they fall unless it will kill them or cause serious detriment, as hard as it is, you have to let them slip and fall. Then if you did the above, they will develop their own relationship with God. When they get back up they will give God the glory and learn from whatever caused them to fall.
This does not mean that you keep them out of the world. Show them the world, but let them understand they are not of the world. 1John2:15, "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him. For all that is in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-is not of the Father but is of the world."
When you come together as parents, it will bring you closer together as husband and wife. Understand your roles as father and mother. You must come together in the raising of the child. In the area of children, proactive communication is critical. When children do something you have to react immediately. The luxuary of waiting for a specific meeting or even a phone call to your spouse is often not permitted. Therefore you must have already come together to discuss what you will each do as a team. If you and your spouse disagree or react differently your children will put you two against each other and play the lessor of two evils against you.
Children learn by example not by what comes out of your mouth. If they see you two acting unGodly in your marriage, then they will do the same when they get married. They will learn what marriage is supposed to be according to what they see you do in your marriage. Therefore, it is absolutely critical that you show them a God-driven marriage.
Through several scriptures in the Bible it talks about not having sex, which is the sin of fornication, prior to marriage. Therefore, I will keep my focus on the role of parents as the married couple. However, this article is really for all parents whether they have children or have a close relationship with children. Just because you didn't give birth to them does not by any means that you can not parent.
Proverbs 22:6, " Train up a child in the way he should go. When he is old he will not depart from it." This means that you are to train your child to praise, worship, honor, and give God the glory. Joshua, put it very simple and eloquently, when he said in Joshua 24:13, "But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord." Do not make any exception on behalf of your children.
Make your children participate in church, daily prayers, home bible study, and self bible study. Let them know who they are according to God and not the world. Don't let them just wander in the wilderness. However, if they fall unless it will kill them or cause serious detriment, as hard as it is, you have to let them slip and fall. Then if you did the above, they will develop their own relationship with God. When they get back up they will give God the glory and learn from whatever caused them to fall.
This does not mean that you keep them out of the world. Show them the world, but let them understand they are not of the world. 1John2:15, "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him. For all that is in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-is not of the Father but is of the world."
When you come together as parents, it will bring you closer together as husband and wife. Understand your roles as father and mother. You must come together in the raising of the child. In the area of children, proactive communication is critical. When children do something you have to react immediately. The luxuary of waiting for a specific meeting or even a phone call to your spouse is often not permitted. Therefore you must have already come together to discuss what you will each do as a team. If you and your spouse disagree or react differently your children will put you two against each other and play the lessor of two evils against you.
Children learn by example not by what comes out of your mouth. If they see you two acting unGodly in your marriage, then they will do the same when they get married. They will learn what marriage is supposed to be according to what they see you do in your marriage. Therefore, it is absolutely critical that you show them a God-driven marriage.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Be Professional Students of Marriage
A professional student is someone that continually is learning. We should be professional students of God, meaning that we sould always be striving to further develop our relationship with God. We are given a text book known as the Bible to teach us how marriage is supposed to be done according to God.
God created marriage, so as married couples we should always be finding ways to strengthen our marriage. We are to use the Bible as our main source. However it is also vitally important to not only do marital Bible study together as one but to bring in other resources as well.
Make sure that if you bring in other resources, they are extracted from the Bible. They can be retreats, videos, books, websites etc. They can jump start your love for each other by bringing it closer to today. Always be willing to communicate, express, and discus your marriage in a open and honest manner, keeping God at the forefront.
Todays marriage is under constant attack. When marriages fail, it has a direct affect on every other institution from education to financial to also fail. It is not a coincedence that when the divorce rate increased the quality of the educational system also failed and the world went into financial ruin.
There is no where in the Bible that says marriage is easy. In order for marriages to be successful, they must be worked on all of the time. Take the time to make sure that your marriage is healthy. Until people start working on their marriage none of the other institutions in the world will be successful. Give our children a chance to have something when they become adults. At the rate we are going now, we are not leaving our children with much.
In Isaiah 43:18-20, "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing now it springs forth, do you no know it. I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." If you are having troubles in your marriage, listen to God and let Him do a new thing and make a way in your wilderness.
If God can raise Jesus from the dead, then he can raise your marriage from the dead. Stay focused on God and he can and will bring life back to your marriage.
God created marriage, so as married couples we should always be finding ways to strengthen our marriage. We are to use the Bible as our main source. However it is also vitally important to not only do marital Bible study together as one but to bring in other resources as well.
Make sure that if you bring in other resources, they are extracted from the Bible. They can be retreats, videos, books, websites etc. They can jump start your love for each other by bringing it closer to today. Always be willing to communicate, express, and discus your marriage in a open and honest manner, keeping God at the forefront.
Todays marriage is under constant attack. When marriages fail, it has a direct affect on every other institution from education to financial to also fail. It is not a coincedence that when the divorce rate increased the quality of the educational system also failed and the world went into financial ruin.
There is no where in the Bible that says marriage is easy. In order for marriages to be successful, they must be worked on all of the time. Take the time to make sure that your marriage is healthy. Until people start working on their marriage none of the other institutions in the world will be successful. Give our children a chance to have something when they become adults. At the rate we are going now, we are not leaving our children with much.
In Isaiah 43:18-20, "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing now it springs forth, do you no know it. I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." If you are having troubles in your marriage, listen to God and let Him do a new thing and make a way in your wilderness.
If God can raise Jesus from the dead, then he can raise your marriage from the dead. Stay focused on God and he can and will bring life back to your marriage.
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