Time Apart

The Bible teaches that we are to be each other's best friend and be one with one another. It does not say that we have to be joined at the hip 24/7 everyday of the year. As a married couple, you must understand that every now and then you need some time apart. There is a fine line between too much time and not enough time apart.

Take time to recharge your battery and a fresh view. When you come back to your spouse you will be rejuvenated and refreshed. Husbands and wives need time to reflect on things both together and apart. When you miss someone, it makes you appreciate them that much more. If they are always there, then often times you will just expect them to do certain things and lose appreciation for them.

There are times when a disagreement occurs, you need to take a moment alone with God to just pray about it first. James 1:19 says,"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." Do not feel guilty for needing time away. Come back together in love and humility.

Be Your Spouses Cheerleader

I can't tell you how much it saddens me when I see spouses that don't show support for each other. The world makes it a point to down play your dreams, tell you that you are not good enough, that you were a mistake, that someone else can do it better. Be your a enormous cheerleader for your spouse. They should know that even though Philippians 4:11 says, "I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me." you believe in them as well.

When your spouse has doubt, take it to prayer and then to your spouse. Sometimes, they need a soft place to fall when times get tough. Get quiet and pray together as husband and wife. Your spouse should know that as long as they follow Jesus, you will follow them in their dreams. When your spouse comes to you always be there to uplift and encourage them to succeed. Don't place a value on it. Just because it might not make much sense financially, it can be God's plan as they do the work of the Lord. It is not up to you to put a value on it. God gave them that dream and you have absolutely no right to try to take that dream from them.

There will be times when you may not understand, or even like whatever it is that your spouse is dreaming. Newsflash! God gave it to your spouse not to you. God has given each of us hopes and dreams that are unique to us. Matthew 7:1, says "Judge not, that you will be not judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." Therefore you do not have any right to be judgemental. Only God can judge. If it is not to be, then let God reveal and remove it. Then God can restore.

God purposed each one of us before the foundation of the earth. John 17:24, "You loved me before the foundation of the world." God intended for you as each other's spouse to have his voice within your marriage. Give back God his word in your marriage. God is not the author of failure. Always be your spouse's loudest, biggest, and boldest cheerleader!

Stroking Husbands Egos

Wives if you haven't realized it by now, you have been under a rock but men have egos. This includes tongue talking, Bible reading, Christian men of God. If you try to deny it in any way, shape or form it will raise unnecessary havoc in your marriage.

Wives must realize that men do not like to be told what to do. Even when they are wrong they would much rather let themselves fail and get back up on their own than to have their wives tell them ahead of time. If you don't believe me, think of how many disagreements have happened because husbands were driving somewhere unknown and will drove in a million circles even though the wife knew the correct route. Often times the same thing occurs in daily situations such as financial, economic,and administrative matters. In Ephesians 5:23, " For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body."

There will be times when we have to stroke their egos so that they can continue to follow Christ Jesus and not get in the way. Just as we are to trust the trinity of God, we are to trust our husbands. Trust that your husband will get you through the situation. It is vital that your husband believes that you honor, trust, and respect him according to the word of God.

Affair Proofing Your Marriage

As you well know, adultery is extremely prevelant and common in the world. There are even websites that promote cheating on your spouse. We all know that adultery is considered a sin and is one of the 10 commandments. What you might not know is that in Matthew 5:28 the Bible says, " But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

There are some basic rules that can not be broken or even bent in terms of keeping adultery out of your marriage.

1. Protect the priority of your marriage. Besides God, absolutely nothing should come before your marriage. Always without fail let your spouse know that they are your top priority.

2. Give your passion to your spouse. Do not have any communication about personal and private information with someone of the opposite gender in regards to your marriage.

3. Connect on every level with your spouse, everything that you go through should be together as a couple. Do not allow secrecy into your marriage.

4. Take responsibility and accountability for your part in the situation. Confess your sins before Jesus, and repent. Once there is repentence, the God can restore.

Even if your spouse has turned completely away from you in every way, it does not justify adultery. Seek God first at all times and he can restore your marriage. Do not make the mistake of saying that it can never happen in your marriage. Admit that there has been temptation, but that you must not given in. James 1:15 says, "Then when desire has conceived it gives birth to sin, and sin when it is full grown, brings forth death."

Hang Out Time

There comes a time in marriage when you just have to do absolutely nothing of importance. Just hang out together in times of fun. Be spontaneous and do things just for the sake of doing it. Don't let everything be by the book. The two of you are responsible enough to make sure that home is taken care of and not to do anything that will cause harm to your household.

Don't worry about every penny or that the house is in perfect order at all times. Don't be afraid to live a little. Remember, Matthew 5:48 says, " Father in Heaven is perfect." No where in the Bible does it say that we are perfect. If we were perfect, then God would not have given us the Holy Spirit. Mark 1:8 says, I indeed baptized you with water, but He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit."

God never wanted you to be bored, or to do without. He wants you to be able to have a wonderful life that is based on the word of God. Being a good steward over your finances and home does not mean that you have to become a slave to them. Do not put your finances or materialistic things above God. Seek God first and give God the glory and he will see that your needs are meant.

Your Trials and Tribulations

Each one of you are going to have a certain number of trials and tribulations that you will go through not only as husband and wife, but also as women and men. Remember even though marriage was created by God, he created men, then women, then marriage. Therefore it is important to remember that before we are married, we are men and women first. That means that we will have trials and tribulations that pertain to us in that manner.

What matters is how we handle them in our marriage when they do come, because they will come. It is just a matter of time. With every decision you make, you decide your focus. It is up to you to either give God the glory and ask the Holy Spirit to guide and direct your footsteps or to lean onto your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the Lord will all thine heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths."

Never go to your spouse about something that is a trial or tribulation without taking it to God first. Listen to what God tells you. If you are obedient to the word of God, He will give the words, mannerisms, and guidance in how to approach your spouse so that the trial or tribulation can be resolved in a manner in which it gives God the glory.

Come Out of Your Comfort Zone

There are times when you have to come out of your comfort zone. God does not care about whether or not you are comfortable or not, what He cares about is whether or not you are obedient to his word. His word says that you are to become one with your spouse in several scriptures throughout the Bible.

That means that you are going to have to do things that make you completely uncomfortable for your spouse. You are going to go places that you would rather not, be with people that you don't particularly like, or what ever else for your spouse. However, your spouse is to do the same for you. Their should be a balance and one should not always have to do the compromising.

Each one of you should understand that you are important to the other person. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us when he died on the cross for us. The least that we can do for our spouses is to make sacrifices for them. As long as whatever it is, is not contrary to the word of God, make the sacrifice.

If you are not willing to ever sacrifice, then it will give the devil a foot hold on crevices that can become valleys within your marriage. Your spouse should be able to rely on you for anything. Don't let a little incompatibility get in the way of your marriage. Pray for strength from God to get you through the situation or circumstance.

Understand Each Others Strengths and Weaknesses

When God created marriages, he made it so that opposites attract,where one is weaker the other is stronger and vice versa. We can only use what we have, we can not use what we do not have whether it is in life, especially within your marriage.

In 2 Corinthians 8:12-14 says, " For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have. For I do not mean that others should be eased and your burdened, but by an equality that now at this time your abundance may supply their lack, and that their abundance also may supply your lack-that there may be equality." Each spouse needs to allow the other to use what they have. When you try to use something that you do not have, then you will open the door to difficulty and conflict.

As long as each of you continue to walk in what you have to the utmost as you seek God, then God will do the rest. Remember there is nothing that is impossible for God. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." and if you keep reading down to Philippians 4:19, it reads "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

When you come to God in weakness, God can show his power in your situation and/or circumstance. When you develop your relationship with the trinity and give God the glory, God will restore you more quickly. When you turn from the trinity, God can not trust you with his power and He will prove to be sovereign.

Build your relationship not only with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, but also with your spouse. Don't spin your wheels trying to do something when you don't have it. The key is to use what you do have and for your spouse to use what they have to the fullest and allow God to do the rest.

Forgive And Forget

One of the most challenging aspects of life that we are faced with each and every day is the process of forgiving and forgeting. According to the way of the world, often times we say that we will forgive. However, when it comes to the forgeting part,hesitations present themselves. We all know the saying, " I will forgive, but never forget."

When it comes to the word of God, we must forgive and forget. John 20:23 says, "If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them, if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." In Colassians 2:13 it reads, "And you being dead in your trespases and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him. having forgiven you all trespases."

If you pay close attention to the previous two scriptures you will see that you must forgive and forget. We know that Jesus died for our sins and all was forgiven. We also know that through several scriptures that we are to be a credible witness to Jesus and that Jesus moves inside of us. Therefore, just as Jesus forgave us, then we are to forgive others. This is absolutely critical between husband and wife.

When we do not forget, we are essentially having a direct correlation of putting Jesus back up on the cross. We are basically saying that the sin was not forgiven and that he did not die for our sins. So you have to ask yourself, " Is it really worth putting Jesus back on the cross?"

In order to forgive and forget, you must take each and every situation to the word of God. It is something that you should do as a couple. If you allow the word to cleanse you of your trespases, then you will be under the authority of God. Phillipians 4:8, " Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praise worthy-meditate on these things." If you do this, then you will not have any time left to think about anything negative or contrary to the word of God.

There will be trials and tribulations in your marriage, but if you stay focused on the word of God, you can find strength in your weakness and become stronger in your relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Money Matters

It is no surprise that financial matters are of the utmost importance within someones life. If you misuse and abuse it, it will flee faster than a dust particle in the wind. However, if you become a good steward over your finances then they will be there to take care of you.

Once you become married, then everything that was mine and yours becomes ours as a couple. This is especially true in the case of money. Your income becomes your spouses income as well as your debt becomes your spouses debt. If you try to fight this, it will open the door for strife and prevent oneness. God teaches in countless scriptures that we are to be one with our spouse.

Never put money above God. In Ecclesiastes 5:10, " Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless." and Hebrews 13:5 says, " Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with was you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you;never will I forsake you.' "

If one of you is better at paying bills then they should at minimum share with the other transactions. Follow these basic rules-

1.) Understand that labor is necessary. 2 Thessalonians 3:10 says, " For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat." Nothing is for free,

2.) Pay your full tithes from the first 10% of your income.

3.) Remember, everything is up for discussion.

4.) Bills do not miraculously disappear. Live below your means, pay off your debt, save, budget, don't try to keep up with the Jones'.

Don't love money above God. Matthew 6:24 states, " No man can serve two masters, for either he will hate one and love the other. or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."

Train Up A Child

The word parent is more than a noun, it needs to be a active verb that you do for your child(ren). Remember that God created each and every one of us, He then birthed them through a mother, but they come from Him.

Through several scriptures in the Bible it talks about not having sex, which is the sin of fornication, prior to marriage. Therefore, I will keep my focus on the role of parents as the married couple. However, this article is really for all parents whether they have children or have a close relationship with children. Just because you didn't give birth to them does not by any means that you can not parent.

Proverbs 22:6, " Train up a child in the way he should go. When he is old he will not depart from it." This means that you are to train your child to praise, worship, honor, and give God the glory. Joshua, put it very simple and eloquently, when he said in Joshua 24:13, "But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord." Do not make any exception on behalf of your children.

Make your children participate in church, daily prayers, home bible study, and self bible study. Let them know who they are according to God and not the world. Don't let them just wander in the wilderness. However, if they fall unless it will kill them or cause serious detriment, as hard as it is, you have to let them slip and fall. Then if you did the above, they will develop their own relationship with God. When they get back up they will give God the glory and learn from whatever caused them to fall.

This does not mean that you keep them out of the world. Show them the world, but let them understand they are not of the world. 1John2:15, "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him. For all that is in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-is not of the Father but is of the world."

When you come together as parents, it will bring you closer together as husband and wife. Understand your roles as father and mother. You must come together in the raising of the child. In the area of children, proactive communication is critical. When children do something you have to react immediately. The luxuary of waiting for a specific meeting or even a phone call to your spouse is often not permitted. Therefore you must have already come together to discuss what you will each do as a team. If you and your spouse disagree or react differently your children will put you two against each other and play the lessor of two evils against you.

Children learn by example not by what comes out of your mouth. If they see you two acting unGodly in your marriage, then they will do the same when they get married. They will learn what marriage is supposed to be according to what they see you do in your marriage. Therefore, it is absolutely critical that you show them a God-driven marriage.

Divorce is NOT a Option

If you pay attention to the world, the divorce rate is on the rise. Sadly, the divorce rate among Christians is also extremely high. This is something that I will never understand. How can you be a true Christian that claims to love God's word and have Jesus live inside of you and get a divorce. It is clearly stated in the Bible that Jesus hates divorce. Now, if you have to fear for your life then for the sake of your physical safety go downtown and file for the divorce.

The Bible also speaks about the importance of guarding your mind. When you even speak about getting a divorce, you give life to it. When God created marriage, He created it to be forever. Mark 10:6-8," But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man seperate."

If you continue reading down to Mark 10:11, it reads "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." We all know that one of the 10 commandments in Exodus 20:14, "You shall not commit adultery."

When strife shows up, always go to the word of God for the answer. There is the answer to every problem and every situation somewhere in the Bible, it is just up to you to find it. If you feel that you must go outside of your marriage make sure it is someone that is qualifed. The two of you need to agree on that person. It should be your pastor or someone that you can trust with complete confidence and respect. You should never go behind anyones back. If they are not actively participating, you owe them the respect of making your decision known to them and at least hear what they have to say. Once they see the change in you they may be more willing to participate. However, if they feel they are being shut out, they may rebel.

Guard your mind and don't even allow it to be a topic for discussion. God is not the author of failure or quitting. If you fail or quit it is a permitted response from you. They only one to blame is yourself, it is not of God.

Mix It Up

It is so unbelieveably critical that you keep things new and fresh within your marriage. The worst thing that you can do is get stuck in a rut doing the same things over and over again. Change schedules around, keep it spontaneous and fun. I know that there are somethings that have to be on a schedule, but that is not everything. Even if you do the same things, but change the time it can work wonders in your marriage.

When the week becomes so predictible that your spouse knows exactly what you are doing, for how long, what time, what day of the week things tend to get boring awfully fast. When that happens, your spouse can stop paying attention to you. They feel that there is nothing more to learn, so why should they have to pay attention.

When your spouse doesn't have any desire to pay attention to you it opens the door to lack of communication, lack of affection, lack of excitement, and boredom. All of which if they enter into your marriage can lead to devastating effects within your marriage. Simply put they can all be stopped, if you would just mix it up.

Don't try to change everything at once because it can lead to chaos and confusion, which can also raise havoc within the marriage. Make small changes at a time. At first you probably won't even notice them until you make several of them where you can see the cumalative change.

Just always remember you responsibilities to your family and that nothing gets left behind. Reinvent ways to ensure everything that is necessary still completed. Nothing of importance should be neglected in the name of mixing it up.

Marriage Take Three

God created the institution of marriage between man and woman in the book of Genesis. Therefore without having God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in your marriage, it will open the doors for strife, stress, worldly ideologies, human nature, and wilderness.

Come together in prayer as a married couple on a more than regular basis. Although as God's children we have our own personal relationship with the trinity, it is important to come together in prayer. The Bible teaches in 2 Corinthians 6:14, " Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers." If this is true then your spouse will already know the power of prayer and will want to come together with you in prayer.

If your spouse is not equally yoked, or doesn't believe in the power of prayer. Let them know that you are continuing to pray for them. You don't have to go into great detail. If fact, allow the power of God to rebuke, correct, and restore them as He sees fit. If you get in the way, you can hinder their relationship with God. Let God be God, not you.

We must always know that God hears our prayers. However, remember in Psalms 37:4, " Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I can't think of a better way than to develop your relationship and delight yourself in God than through prayer.

Know When To Be Quiet

There are times when it is better just to be quiet and allow your spouse to tumble a little bit. Sometimes when you speak too much, you get in the way of God. There are times when God will use you, but there are also times when God wants you to be quiet. The Serentity prayer says, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Ecclesiates 3:7 says, " A time to tear, and a time to sew, a time to keep silence, and a time to speak." Always take your prayers to God first, allow God to tell you how you should approach your spouse. Let God give you the words to come out of your mouth. Remember, 1Peter3:1 says, "Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, may be won bu the conduct of their wives." Often times, husbands will figure it out on their own. Continuously preaching the word, may seem as nagging. This is especially true for the unsaved, but can also be true for the saved.

If God wills for your spouse to be taught something, put your trust in Him. The Holy Spirit will teach them on His time, not our time. Remember as much as we love our spouse we do not know their tomorrow, so stop trying to act like it.

James 1:19 says, " So then my beloved brethern let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." Sometimes our spouse doesn't want to hear you say a word, but just needs to know that your hear them and that you can be a safe place for them to fall.

The Power of the Weekly Meeting

This is so extremely basic and most don't do it. The family meeting between husband and wife. If it is something that will involve the children and you can put it at a child's level, then by all means include the children after you have had the adult portion of your conversation.

There are a couple of rules for this meeting.
1.) Set it for a specific time and place. It should be the around the same time every week or month. If there seems to be a lot of issues, you can schedule them more frequently. Although, I recommend at least once a month.

2.) Determine what will be discussed ahead of time. Know what you are going to discuss. Just as you prepare for a meeting at work, prepare for the meeting with your spouse.

3.) Have a plan of what you hope to accomplish. Decide what progress needs to happen in order for productivity to take place.

4.) Be open for discussion and compromise. This is the perfect time to communicate your true feelings and the pros and cons of the situation and what needs to be done.

5.) Make sure meeting time is meeting time and nothing else. Eliminate the possibility of distractions. Get somewhere quiet where your focus will be on the situation at hand.

6.) Keep them to no more than about 45 minutes. Anything longer and the productivity level will likely suffer. Your attention span will begin to waver. You will start to say things, just for the sake of bringing the meeting to a end. If necessary, set another meeting to finish. You will get more out of three 45 minutes than one long meeting.

7.) First and foremost, begin each meeting with prayer. Bring the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in and allow them to guide, direct, and lead your discussion. Let thy will be your will.