Keep It Hot and Steamy

I know that some of you may be shocked to hear me and feel that keeping it hot and steamy is worldly. Let me just say this, when sex is used to show your spouse love and affection it can work wonders in your marriage. The overall health of the marriage greatly depends on how sexual you two are on a regular basis. Keep it spontaneous and unexpected. Don't let it get routine with the same time, position, location. Remember there is nothing that says it only has to take place in the bedroom!

If there is a lack of sex, more often than not there is distance, loneliness, distrust, disrespect, and a general sense of "is it really worth it." However, the opposite is true if there is sex within the marriage. There is more closeness, intimacy, affection, trust, respect, and a general sense of "marriage is wonderful and joyous."

I am not saying that your entire marriage has to be all about sex, just make sure it is not taboo in your marriage. There are some very basic questions that you should ask your spouse, such as,

1.) What can I do to please you?
2.) How many times a month, week do you need sex?
3.) Is there anything that makes you feel uncomfortable?
4.) Do you want me to initiate?

These are questions to ask each other. Don't wait until it is time for intercourse, do it when you are just having casual conversation.

The worst thing that you can do is to use sex as a weapon or reward? Don't withhold or give based on the situation. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, " Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power or her body: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." This means that even when you may not want to, you must consent to your spouse.

If you do not provide this to your spouse and they are not strong credible witnesses unto God, they will stray and open the door to infidelity. It is easy to see why you don't want to use sex as a weapon, however it should not be used as a reward. When it is used as a reward, your spouse can begin to think it is only given when they do something that it extraordinary or out of the normal.

Keep it hot, don't always let your spouse know what is coming. Never do anything that your spouse is offended by, but don't let a little uncomfortablity stop you. Just because you are uncomfortable in the beginning, does not mean that you won't learn to love it once you have done it for a while. Sex is just like everything else. Practice makes perfect! Don't be afraid to explore new sexual interests between the two of you. Rock each others world!

Love Language

When God created us, he created each of us to be different from one another. We all have our own ways, thoughts, mind sets, and emotions. Therefore, there are different ways in which we understand and relate to other people. Even in the case of what the world calls identical twins there are differences on some level.

There are three basic ways that we as people comprehend trust, respect, and yes...even love. As you know there are two forms of communication. They are verbal and non verbal. Whether or not you realize it, you utilize both in your every day life. There are three different ways in which others intrpret what we are trying to say. They are 1.)Auditory-pretty much what comes out of our mouth. Whenever we say something they pick up on our tone. Is it loving and soft or is it sarcastic, hard, or hesitiate? 2.) Visual-is simply what we do that they can see. Do we do things just to keep them quiet and from bickering or do we do them out of love and compassion. 3.) Kinsetic- How do we show affection towards them? Do we greet them with a hug and kiss or do we push them away when they even look like they want to get close?

Find out what your spouse's love language. If they are auditory they will need to hear you say "I love you". The spouse that is visual may not necessarily need to hear it, but see it through maybe receiving constant gifts for no reason. The kinsetic spouse may need to have that hug and kiss every morning. Just because your love language may be different, be willing to take the stretch and submit to their love language.

Be communicative about your love language. Let your spouse know what you need from them to show you that they have feelings of love towards you. Do not expect them to just know. The Holy Spirit is the only mind reader, don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader.

True love goes both ways between spouses. Before you can receive love, you must first be willing to give love.The more you speak their love language, the more they will speak your love language.

Love Your Spouse According to God

How many times has your spouse done something that deeply offended, hurt, or disgusted you to the pit of your soul. Have you ever felt dead when you look at them or would rather kiss a venemous snake than them? God is all power and can and will deliver you from all of the above if you delight yourself in the Lord at all times.

In John 15:14, "These things I command you, that you love one another." God just commanded you to love others. God wants you to love unconditionally the way that He loves you. Regardless of what the other has done, said, or even thought they are still a child of God. They were created just as you were created.

Therefore, you must love according to the word of God not according to their ways. In Matthew 5:44, "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who spifefully use you and persecute you." This means that even when things seem impossible and hatefullness, deceit, and despair, are within the situation or circumstance you must love them.

In 1Corinthians 13:4, "Love suffers long and is kind: love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, endures all things." This scripture is one that is commonly quoted, but it is what I consider to be one of the strongest scriptures in the Bible. It expresses the love of God. It is the type of love that should be shared with your spouse.

Love is something that knows no limit, there is absolutely nothing that it can not conquer. God loves each and every one of us for who He created us to be. Love your spouse according to the word of God and where there is death, the Holy Spirit can restore life. God is not concerned with individual ways, so love according to God and not their ways.

Do not misunderstand trust for love. Just because you love someone does not mean that you trust them. If you know someone steals, continue to love them but still watch your belongings. Trust in God at all times. The Bible teaches us that as husband and wife, you are to cleave to one another and become one. There will be problems, trials, and tribulations within your marriage. However, solve them according to the word of God and do not lean to your own understanding. You must put on the full armor of God to fight your battles, not the changing nature of man.

Newsflash: You are not God

I think we all know someone that has said over and over again, I wish that my spouse would....or he/she should.....or the infamous if only.... . All of these statements are something that each and every one of has said at some point in our lives concerning someone else.

Newsflash.. I know that this may come to you as a shock, but you are not God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. Ezekiel 36:27, " I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statues, and you will keep My judgements and do them." No where in the Bible does it say that we are the Holy Spirit. So where do we get the audacity to think that we can do what God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit can do in someone else's life.

The scripture teaches us that the Holy Spirit is put within us and we are to follow the commandments, statutes, and judgements according to God. 1Corinthians15:51, " We shall be changed in a moment in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible."

Stop trying to play God and change your spouse. God is God all by his self, he doesn't need or want our help in changing someone else. He has a plan for each and every one of us. When we interfere in God's plan that He has for our spouse then God must go to plan B. Focus on what God is telling you to change about you so that God can use you. Once you begin to change, your spouse will see the change in you and then they can begin to change according to God's will.

Allow God to be the directer, producer, author of your life and as you live as a credible witness. You can only be a witness according to the conduct, character, and commitment of yourself. Stop trying to play God and change your spouse. You don't even know your own future, so how can you expect to know your spouse's future?

The Power Of Prayer With Your Spouse

Daily prayer with your spouse can do wonders. It can keep a strong marriage that much stronger and its absense can cause havoc and destruction. Acts 6:4, "but we will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word." When we pray to the trinity it is giving God his word back to him.

It is during prayer that we can continue to give God the honor, power and glory. It is at this time that when you pray with your spouse, you are bringing God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit into your marriage. It has a direct effect of uniting the two of your into oneness. When this happens you are letting God know that your spirits are in direct connection with the Holy Spirit.

In Matthew 19:6, " Wherefore, what God hath joined together, let man not put asunder." When God created marriage, He intended for you to pray together in order to bring you into agreement under one accord. Make prayer a part of your morning ritual before you leave for the day. Start of each morning by coming together in love and presenting yourself before the Father.

Don't allow anything or anyone else disrupt this ritual. If you make it habitual then you will find that when trials and tribulations arise, God can answer them for you through your prayer. If you are not in the practice of praying together or one of you is not a Christian or believes in prayer, then continue to pray on your own. Let the other know why you pray and once your prayers are answered your spouse will see the benefit in you and will be more apt to begin prayer with you.

The Power of Oneness

When you become married, the first thing that you must realize is that it was created by God and that the only instruction manual that you are to follow once you become married is the word of God. The Bible has the answer for every problem, situation, circumstance, occurence, or what ever else you can think of.

Ephesians 5:21, "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." means that as husband and wife you are commanded by God to submit to each other as you submit to Christ Jesus. In Ephesians 5: 31, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is another commandment from God for the husband and wife to become one.

This means that married couples are to become one, mine and yours must be replaced with ours. When you keep mine and yours in the picture it continuously opens the door for division and separation within the marriage. Matthew 19:6, Wherefore what God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Don't let family, friends, mass media or any one else interfere within your marriage.

Let God be the deciding factor. When difficulties and differences arise, go to the word of God to settle them. Let God tell you spiritually what you should do in the natural to resolve the situation, emotion, etc.

Become one with your spouse and God will continue to show his favor and his blessing. Seek God in all that you do and say at all times.