Unfortuanately, I hear many married couples say that they have simply fallen out of love with their spouse. This is very sad and although difficult to come back from it can be done. This happens because although you give plenty of lip service to the fact that we have unconditional love for our spouse, we really do not. We may want to believe it, but don't actually believe in our hearts.
We are still prone to the world's definition of love, which states that we love according to how we are treated, their ways, how they make us feel etc. Unconditional love in it's purest form doesn't take any of these into consideration. Also notice in the Bible, no where does God command the wife to love her husband. However in Ephesians 5 God commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
Here are a couple of suggestions to get the love back in your marriage.
1. Get back to the romance. Even if it seems strange or uncomfortable, it will begin to feel natural as time goes on.
2. Get in your Bibles, together and study every scripture on marriage according to God.
3. Fellowship with other married couples that are righteous in their conduct, character and commitment.
4. Spend time together as a couple and continue dating.
Listen to your spirit and invite the Holy Spirit into your marriage to guide, direct, teach you how to have the instition of marriage as God intended.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sometimes You Have To Let Your Spouse Fall
As hard as it is sometimes, as long as your spouse is not going to cause grave danger to your family you have to let them fall. God teaches throughout the Bible that we will fall from time to time because we are not perfect. We all know that Jesus was the only perfect man and we are continually being perfected.
Sometimes God is putting your spouse through something so that when he feels it is time He can bring them out of it. Then once they come out of it, they can see that only God can do it. Regardless of how much we love them, it is nothing in comparison to the way that God loves them.
Step back and allow God to work with them. When the come out of it, they will be much stronger as they build their relationship with the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
Let them know that you are there for them in the natural and that you will love them continuously with unconditional love. Let God be God.
Sometimes God is putting your spouse through something so that when he feels it is time He can bring them out of it. Then once they come out of it, they can see that only God can do it. Regardless of how much we love them, it is nothing in comparison to the way that God loves them.
Step back and allow God to work with them. When the come out of it, they will be much stronger as they build their relationship with the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
Let them know that you are there for them in the natural and that you will love them continuously with unconditional love. Let God be God.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Set Goals Together
We all know the importance of setting goals both long and short term for our lives. We do it for ourselves, our children, careers, and everything else. It is also important to set goals for your marriage.
Sit down with each other and create a plan to reach both your long and short term goals as a couple, and family. It has often been said that the plan didn't fail, it was that you failed to plan. Before the Holy Spirit can guide and direct your plan, you must first provide a plan.
You can have all of the faith in the world, but we know that without works, faith is dead. When you make goals together it binds your marriage together into oneness. Habakkuk 2:2 states, "Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it." Take time to write it down and make a systematic plan to reach your goals.
It will cause you to cleave to one another. Set different types of goals such as spiritual, financial, administrative, family, educational goals together as one.
Sit down with each other and create a plan to reach both your long and short term goals as a couple, and family. It has often been said that the plan didn't fail, it was that you failed to plan. Before the Holy Spirit can guide and direct your plan, you must first provide a plan.
You can have all of the faith in the world, but we know that without works, faith is dead. When you make goals together it binds your marriage together into oneness. Habakkuk 2:2 states, "Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it." Take time to write it down and make a systematic plan to reach your goals.
It will cause you to cleave to one another. Set different types of goals such as spiritual, financial, administrative, family, educational goals together as one.
Opposites Attract
We all know that opposites attract. There are very few times when two people come together that are just alike. In 2 Corintians 2:14 it says, : But by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want, that there be equality."
This means that in areas were you are lacking your spouse can fulfil that lack and vice versa. When one of you are stronger than the other, you can lift the other. When this happens there is abundance so that none suffer lack.
Be each others strength in the natural when necessay. This does not mean that one is positive or negative or better than the other. It can just be so there is a balance. For example, one of you may be quiet and reserved and the other may be loud and outgoing. The two of balance each other out so there is not complete quiet or loudness. There is a happy medium somewhere in the middle.
Take time to appreciate the differences between the two of you. If your spouse was just like you, then there would be chaos and no balance within the household. Celebrate each other for you God created you to be.
This means that in areas were you are lacking your spouse can fulfil that lack and vice versa. When one of you are stronger than the other, you can lift the other. When this happens there is abundance so that none suffer lack.
Be each others strength in the natural when necessay. This does not mean that one is positive or negative or better than the other. It can just be so there is a balance. For example, one of you may be quiet and reserved and the other may be loud and outgoing. The two of balance each other out so there is not complete quiet or loudness. There is a happy medium somewhere in the middle.
Take time to appreciate the differences between the two of you. If your spouse was just like you, then there would be chaos and no balance within the household. Celebrate each other for you God created you to be.
Empty Nest Syndrome
I remember when I left home for college, my mother went through empty nest syndrome. My father did also, but not as much as my mother. I think that this is the case with most parents, most often when their child(ren) move away to college.
This can be a difficult time for parents for the simple reason they don't know how to act. For some reason they freak out and can't handle it very well. Here is the advice that I gave my mom back when I left for college.
1.) Get involved in new activities outside of the house. Don't sit in the house looking at the walls. Get out and do something fun and exciting.
2.) Make new friends. Be social with others that enjoy the same things that you do.
3.) Often times, parents stop dating when the children come. Now they are gone, if you stopped you can start dating each other again.
4.) Go on a vacation and do something just for the two of you. You have done plenty for your children now do something for you.
5.) Change there room to something else. This will also show your children that it is time for them to be one their own as adults.
Naturally, you will miss your children. However, you must remember that your children want you to be happy and not sit around and mope around because they are gone.
This can be a difficult time for parents for the simple reason they don't know how to act. For some reason they freak out and can't handle it very well. Here is the advice that I gave my mom back when I left for college.
1.) Get involved in new activities outside of the house. Don't sit in the house looking at the walls. Get out and do something fun and exciting.
2.) Make new friends. Be social with others that enjoy the same things that you do.
3.) Often times, parents stop dating when the children come. Now they are gone, if you stopped you can start dating each other again.
4.) Go on a vacation and do something just for the two of you. You have done plenty for your children now do something for you.
5.) Change there room to something else. This will also show your children that it is time for them to be one their own as adults.
Naturally, you will miss your children. However, you must remember that your children want you to be happy and not sit around and mope around because they are gone.
The Gift Of The Red Rose
During the course of your marriage you will undoubtedly experience trials and tribulations. There may be times when you don't want to or don't know how to express love to your spouse.
When my husband and I got married, during our ceremony the pastor gave each of us a beautiful long stemed red rose to be our first gift exchanged between each other as husband and wife. The red rose has always been a symbol of love.
When those times occur, go get a single red rose or more if you like and place it in a spot that your spouse will notice. Even when times are hard, it will let your spouse know that you still love them and are willing to go through the hard times together. Even if your spouse doesn't respond favorably or even acknowledge your gift in the natural it will touch their spirit at some level.
Many times it is what we do more than what we say. It may take time for your spouse to respond, but we must stay the course and continue to express love to our spouse. Even when your marriage is going through a high point, leave the gift of the red rose. If you only do it when times are tough, your spouse may begin to suspect things are not as good as they think when they do receive a rose.
When my husband and I got married, during our ceremony the pastor gave each of us a beautiful long stemed red rose to be our first gift exchanged between each other as husband and wife. The red rose has always been a symbol of love.
When those times occur, go get a single red rose or more if you like and place it in a spot that your spouse will notice. Even when times are hard, it will let your spouse know that you still love them and are willing to go through the hard times together. Even if your spouse doesn't respond favorably or even acknowledge your gift in the natural it will touch their spirit at some level.
Many times it is what we do more than what we say. It may take time for your spouse to respond, but we must stay the course and continue to express love to our spouse. Even when your marriage is going through a high point, leave the gift of the red rose. If you only do it when times are tough, your spouse may begin to suspect things are not as good as they think when they do receive a rose.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
What To Do If Another Married Couple Comes To You For Counsel
There are times when another married couple will come to you for counsel. They may be able to see through your conduct, character, and commitment that the two of you can provide good counsel.
This is a touchy subject. There are a couple of ground rules that you should follow.
1.) Never do it alone. It should always be the four of you together and you should all be in agreement.
2.) Confidentiality is critical. They have trusted you with intimate details of their marriage. What they say or do must be kept strictly private.
3.) Do not judge them. You do not have that right, only God can judge. Remain objective, realistic and respectful at all times.
4.)Most importantly, keep it scriptual. Even if they are not believers, you know what is scriptual so stick to it and put it up in prayer.
Always remain true to your conduct, character, and commitment as you help them through this difficult time.
This is a touchy subject. There are a couple of ground rules that you should follow.
1.) Never do it alone. It should always be the four of you together and you should all be in agreement.
2.) Confidentiality is critical. They have trusted you with intimate details of their marriage. What they say or do must be kept strictly private.
3.) Do not judge them. You do not have that right, only God can judge. Remain objective, realistic and respectful at all times.
4.)Most importantly, keep it scriptual. Even if they are not believers, you know what is scriptual so stick to it and put it up in prayer.
Always remain true to your conduct, character, and commitment as you help them through this difficult time.
Blended Family
More than ever there are more and more blended families. When one parent remarries it is important to realize that the other parent becomes the parent. For example if mom remarries or marries someone, her husband becomes father to the child(ren). The opposite is also true if a father remarries or marries again.
This does not mean that the child's relationship with their biological father ceases to exist or that they must stop loving, honoring, or respecting their biological father. It does mean that the non biological parent must treat their spouses children as their own. Just because they did not procreate to have that child there should be absolutely no difference in how they raise the child.
When you marry, you must become a family unit as husband, wife, and children. You are to be the authority of the children. They are your children. The word "step-children" is completely worldly. Do not allow any form of disrespect towards the new parent from the children.
The children will take time to adjust, but will the proper guidance and love they will learn to respect, honor, and cherish their time with you. Exercise patience and love with them at all times.
This does not mean that the child's relationship with their biological father ceases to exist or that they must stop loving, honoring, or respecting their biological father. It does mean that the non biological parent must treat their spouses children as their own. Just because they did not procreate to have that child there should be absolutely no difference in how they raise the child.
When you marry, you must become a family unit as husband, wife, and children. You are to be the authority of the children. They are your children. The word "step-children" is completely worldly. Do not allow any form of disrespect towards the new parent from the children.
The children will take time to adjust, but will the proper guidance and love they will learn to respect, honor, and cherish their time with you. Exercise patience and love with them at all times.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Celebrate Each Other
Although the big things matter, we need to take more time to celebrate the small things that we see in each other. We already know the conduct, character, and commitment of our spouse, but when is the last time you noticed something small.
Husbands, would you notice if your wife changed her hairstyle or perfume? Sometimes you need to major in the minor. Often times a bunch of little things can add up to be more than the whole. It makes you appreciate what you do have in each other and not to focus on what you don't have.
Wives, would you notice if your husband changed his hairstyle or cologne? It goes both ways. You can't expect him to notice you when you don't notice him. It shows that you pay attention to each other and brings you closer as husband and wife. Let the other know that they are special enough to pay attention towards.
This is not to say that you need to neglect the big picture, but what it does say is that when you focus on the small picture the big picture will become much clearer.
Husbands, would you notice if your wife changed her hairstyle or perfume? Sometimes you need to major in the minor. Often times a bunch of little things can add up to be more than the whole. It makes you appreciate what you do have in each other and not to focus on what you don't have.
Wives, would you notice if your husband changed his hairstyle or cologne? It goes both ways. You can't expect him to notice you when you don't notice him. It shows that you pay attention to each other and brings you closer as husband and wife. Let the other know that they are special enough to pay attention towards.
This is not to say that you need to neglect the big picture, but what it does say is that when you focus on the small picture the big picture will become much clearer.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Romance Is Key
Romance is key within your marriage. How romantic a couple is during the course of their marriage is a true testament to how much they are in love. When a husband does something romantic for his wife for absolutely no reason at all without any hints dropped by his wife, it can do wonders for their marriage.
What husbands may consider cheesy or corny women consider sweet and romantic. It shows wives that their husbands are willing to pay careful and close attention to the little details. Women are genetically coded to be more feeling, emotional, and the ambiance of their environment are important to them.
Many husbands may not appreciate a candlelight dinner the same way a wife would, but just spending time watching sports on television with him, may be what he wants. Ask your spouse what a perfect night alone with you would look like. You may not be able to re-inact the evening completely, but you can make a effort to come as close as possible. Husbands, your wife might tell you a dinner at a cafe in Paris on a terrace. You might not get to Paris, but you can arrange for a nice candle light dinner in the backyard under the stars with some soft music to dance the night away.
What husbands may consider cheesy or corny women consider sweet and romantic. It shows wives that their husbands are willing to pay careful and close attention to the little details. Women are genetically coded to be more feeling, emotional, and the ambiance of their environment are important to them.
Many husbands may not appreciate a candlelight dinner the same way a wife would, but just spending time watching sports on television with him, may be what he wants. Ask your spouse what a perfect night alone with you would look like. You may not be able to re-inact the evening completely, but you can make a effort to come as close as possible. Husbands, your wife might tell you a dinner at a cafe in Paris on a terrace. You might not get to Paris, but you can arrange for a nice candle light dinner in the backyard under the stars with some soft music to dance the night away.
What Stage Is Your Marriage
Every marriage goes through various stages, the honey moon, the party over and the mature love stage. Every stage is pretty self explanatory, but let me explain each stage to you.
In the honeymoon stage it is what we all dream about, the endless sex, the candlelight dinners, forever romance my spouse can do no wrong. You love their dirty underwear stage. This is when people often say they are glowing.
Next comes the party's over stage. This is often a rocky time for a lot of marriages. Often times then is when reality hits and you may begin to second guess your decision to marry your spouse. It is when we turn our attention elsewhere and if you did not build your marriage on the rock of Jesus as in Matthew 7:24 then your marriage can fail.
The third stage is the best is yet to come and is the most rewarding stage, because it is when you are mature in your love for each other regardless of each others imperfections, personal interests and you know that no matter what happens nothing besides death will cause you to part from one another. It is the most rewarding of all of the stages.
Every marriage has to go through each of the three stages. The length of time that you spend in the honeymoon and party's over stages will vary depending on your marriage. However, you must go through them to enter the best is yet to come stage.
In the honeymoon stage it is what we all dream about, the endless sex, the candlelight dinners, forever romance my spouse can do no wrong. You love their dirty underwear stage. This is when people often say they are glowing.
Next comes the party's over stage. This is often a rocky time for a lot of marriages. Often times then is when reality hits and you may begin to second guess your decision to marry your spouse. It is when we turn our attention elsewhere and if you did not build your marriage on the rock of Jesus as in Matthew 7:24 then your marriage can fail.
The third stage is the best is yet to come and is the most rewarding stage, because it is when you are mature in your love for each other regardless of each others imperfections, personal interests and you know that no matter what happens nothing besides death will cause you to part from one another. It is the most rewarding of all of the stages.
Every marriage has to go through each of the three stages. The length of time that you spend in the honeymoon and party's over stages will vary depending on your marriage. However, you must go through them to enter the best is yet to come stage.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
How Do We Keep From Being Roommates
Often times in a marriage it seems as if the two of you seem more like roommates than spouses. Don't allow this to happen in your marriage. Keep the passion alive and thriving. Don't automatically assume that the other already knows how you feel about them. Express yourself to them physically, spiritually, and mentally.
Your spouse should know that after the trinity you are number one in your life. The only way you can do this is through conversation and maybe even to a greater extent through your body language. Be intimate with your spouse at spontaneous times. Do let it get boring or even routine.
Keep things fresh and new and just have fun together. People should be able to see you two together and know that you are involved in a relationship. If people are surprised, then you may want to increase the level of intimacy within your marriage.
Keep the fire alive in your marriage. If necessary, find or create things to do together as a couple. Of course, we all need some amount of alone time but also schedule ample amount of time for each other.
You had roommates in college, now you have a life partner in a spouse. There is a difference. You married a husband or wife, not your roommate.
Your spouse should know that after the trinity you are number one in your life. The only way you can do this is through conversation and maybe even to a greater extent through your body language. Be intimate with your spouse at spontaneous times. Do let it get boring or even routine.
Keep things fresh and new and just have fun together. People should be able to see you two together and know that you are involved in a relationship. If people are surprised, then you may want to increase the level of intimacy within your marriage.
Keep the fire alive in your marriage. If necessary, find or create things to do together as a couple. Of course, we all need some amount of alone time but also schedule ample amount of time for each other.
You had roommates in college, now you have a life partner in a spouse. There is a difference. You married a husband or wife, not your roommate.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Husbands-Please Remember Important Dates
I don't know why, but it is important to wives that their husbands remember the important dates within the family unit. Often times when a husband forgets an anniversary or birthday you would think the world is coming to a end.
Women want to know that her husband pays attention to the details. This is hard for husbands because they just want to know the headlines, wives want to know the details of the situation. When husbands show to their wives that they are willing to know the details, it shows that they are paying attention to them and they feel love.
This is evident when a husband might remember the general gist of a conversation, but the wife will remember every word down to what her husband was wearing at the time of the conversation.
Husbands are bound to be forgetful when it comes to these important dates so do yourself a favor and put them on your daily calender or palm-pilot for next year. Take time out to pay attention to the details, your will be greatly rewarded.
Women want to know that her husband pays attention to the details. This is hard for husbands because they just want to know the headlines, wives want to know the details of the situation. When husbands show to their wives that they are willing to know the details, it shows that they are paying attention to them and they feel love.
This is evident when a husband might remember the general gist of a conversation, but the wife will remember every word down to what her husband was wearing at the time of the conversation.
Husbands are bound to be forgetful when it comes to these important dates so do yourself a favor and put them on your daily calender or palm-pilot for next year. Take time out to pay attention to the details, your will be greatly rewarded.
Questions Before "I do"
It makes sense although many do not take the time necessary to do some basic communication before the big "I do" If you take this time, then you can avoid any unwelcome surprises, conflicts, or incompatibilities.
Here are some basic questions that you should have a full understanding of your spouse prior to marriage. Doing so will greatly improve your liklihood of having a marriage of heaven on earth or if not it can be hell on earth. Not doing so does not mean that you can't have heaven on earth, but you will have much more work.
1.)What is your relationship with your family?
2.)How do you handle money?
3.)How many children do you want or already have?
4.)What are your spiritual viewpoints?
5.)How do you handle stress?
6.)What are your other interests, habits, etc?
7.)Where do want to live?
8.)Do you have any major health issues?
9.)What is your work ethic?
10.)What is your overall lifestyle?
These should only be a begining to your conversations. Find out all you can before you say "I do" so if it isn't right you can get out before you are married.
Here are some basic questions that you should have a full understanding of your spouse prior to marriage. Doing so will greatly improve your liklihood of having a marriage of heaven on earth or if not it can be hell on earth. Not doing so does not mean that you can't have heaven on earth, but you will have much more work.
1.)What is your relationship with your family?
2.)How do you handle money?
3.)How many children do you want or already have?
4.)What are your spiritual viewpoints?
5.)How do you handle stress?
6.)What are your other interests, habits, etc?
7.)Where do want to live?
8.)Do you have any major health issues?
9.)What is your work ethic?
10.)What is your overall lifestyle?
These should only be a begining to your conversations. Find out all you can before you say "I do" so if it isn't right you can get out before you are married.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Dealing With Major Hurt
There are times when we have been deeply hurt whether it is was personal or within our marriage. It is important that we are open with our spouse and deal with the hurt and pain as it occurs and not allowing it to fester inside of us.
Hebrews 14:5 says, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet within sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace in the time of need." God knows that we are hurting and will always sympathize with our pain. However, he will give us the mercy and grace necessary to get through the hurt and pain.
Lean onto God and be open with your spouse. Turn to the Bible as a couple and find every possible scripture dealing with your particular issue. Look to your spouse for support in the natural. Keep everything out in the open, when you hide secrets they take over your heart. As a spouse of the one experiencing the hurt, be a soft place for the hurting spouse to fall. There should be nothing that your hurting spouse can't confide in you. Take them to scripture and prayer to help them heal.
Hebrews 14:5 says, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet within sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace in the time of need." God knows that we are hurting and will always sympathize with our pain. However, he will give us the mercy and grace necessary to get through the hurt and pain.
Lean onto God and be open with your spouse. Turn to the Bible as a couple and find every possible scripture dealing with your particular issue. Look to your spouse for support in the natural. Keep everything out in the open, when you hide secrets they take over your heart. As a spouse of the one experiencing the hurt, be a soft place for the hurting spouse to fall. There should be nothing that your hurting spouse can't confide in you. Take them to scripture and prayer to help them heal.
Monday, June 15, 2009
You Don't Like Your Spouse's Friends
There are times when we simply may not like our spouse's friends or a particular family member. This can be a very touchy topic for a lot of marriages for a couple of reasons.
1.) Your spouse is an adult and you are their husband or wife not their mother or father of a minor.
2.) The friend or family member has done nothing wrong giving reason to cause distance.
It is important that you do not give your spouse and ultimatum between their friends and/or family member and you. This will only drive an wedge between the two of you and be a possible source of stress. Here are a few suggestions on how to handle this type of situation.
1.) When alone with your spouse you can occassionally mention your reasons on why the friend and/or family member rubs you the wrong way. When doing this be careful not to judge or come off as nagging. Keep it in a manner of love.
2.) If you are put in situations in which you must deal with this person, make sure you remain yourself in your conduct, character, and commitment.
It is up to your spouse to determine who their friends are going to be. You can voice your concern, but don't make the decision for them and expect them to follow. Just remember that you most likely have friends and/or family members that they don't particularly like. It goes both ways, sometimes you just have to sacrafice for the sake of your spouse.
1.) Your spouse is an adult and you are their husband or wife not their mother or father of a minor.
2.) The friend or family member has done nothing wrong giving reason to cause distance.
It is important that you do not give your spouse and ultimatum between their friends and/or family member and you. This will only drive an wedge between the two of you and be a possible source of stress. Here are a few suggestions on how to handle this type of situation.
1.) When alone with your spouse you can occassionally mention your reasons on why the friend and/or family member rubs you the wrong way. When doing this be careful not to judge or come off as nagging. Keep it in a manner of love.
2.) If you are put in situations in which you must deal with this person, make sure you remain yourself in your conduct, character, and commitment.
It is up to your spouse to determine who their friends are going to be. You can voice your concern, but don't make the decision for them and expect them to follow. Just remember that you most likely have friends and/or family members that they don't particularly like. It goes both ways, sometimes you just have to sacrafice for the sake of your spouse.
Dealing With The Major Decisions
Throughout the course of life, there are times when you have to make major decisions that will affect your marriage. These definitely deserve time for deep conversation and time for each of you to come together in prayer both on your own and together.
There always should be a format that is used for these type of decisions.
1.) Seek counsel from the trinity.
Go to the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit first and foremost. Let them guide you in your final decision. Be careful of counsel from outside sources. If you do seek outside counsel be sure that it is Godly and not just someone else's opinion.
2.) Focus on the final outcome and not on the course, by counting the costs.
Be sure the outcome is what is best for your family and marriage in the long run. Just because the course looks attractive or fun, it may no be what is in the best interest of your family and marriage.
3.) Do not rush into anything.
These decisions take time to really consider and to put up in prayer. Make sure they are done in God's time and not your own. If you don't know what to do, then it is better to do nothing than to rush and do the wrong thing. God will tell you what to do when He wants you to do it.
Remember God is soverign and reveal what he wants to you, when you need it. You can't rush God. Matthew 7:24 teaches us to build our house on the rock of Jesus and your house will not fall."
There always should be a format that is used for these type of decisions.
1.) Seek counsel from the trinity.
Go to the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit first and foremost. Let them guide you in your final decision. Be careful of counsel from outside sources. If you do seek outside counsel be sure that it is Godly and not just someone else's opinion.
2.) Focus on the final outcome and not on the course, by counting the costs.
Be sure the outcome is what is best for your family and marriage in the long run. Just because the course looks attractive or fun, it may no be what is in the best interest of your family and marriage.
3.) Do not rush into anything.
These decisions take time to really consider and to put up in prayer. Make sure they are done in God's time and not your own. If you don't know what to do, then it is better to do nothing than to rush and do the wrong thing. God will tell you what to do when He wants you to do it.
Remember God is soverign and reveal what he wants to you, when you need it. You can't rush God. Matthew 7:24 teaches us to build our house on the rock of Jesus and your house will not fall."
Friday, June 12, 2009
Sow and Reap In Your Marriage
We all know that you sow what your reap in life. It is God's plan to fulfill our lives. Even as we come together as one in our marriage we are first woman and man, therefore we have different interests, pet peeves, likes and dislikes. We were all created by God to be different and do not have any right to say that it always has to be our way or no way.
It is important for your spouse to know that you are willing to sacrafice on their behalf. There are times when you will have to do something that you simply can't stand for your spouse. This is a two way street, because they will also do the same for you. When they know that you are more than happy to sacrafice for them the more than happy they are to do it for you.
When you do this, your are sowing love into your marriage towards each other. Therefore you will reap love in return. God will see this as obedience to your spouse and continue to fulfil your life with blessing after blessing.
The opposite is also true, if you are not willing to sacrafice for your spouse do not be surprised when they are not willing to sacrafice for you. God will then see this as disobedience to your spouse and your blessings will cease.
It is important for your spouse to know that you are willing to sacrafice on their behalf. There are times when you will have to do something that you simply can't stand for your spouse. This is a two way street, because they will also do the same for you. When they know that you are more than happy to sacrafice for them the more than happy they are to do it for you.
When you do this, your are sowing love into your marriage towards each other. Therefore you will reap love in return. God will see this as obedience to your spouse and continue to fulfil your life with blessing after blessing.
The opposite is also true, if you are not willing to sacrafice for your spouse do not be surprised when they are not willing to sacrafice for you. God will then see this as disobedience to your spouse and your blessings will cease.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
PDA's Public Displays of Affection
Husbands this one is for you. You may think that PDA's( Public Displays of Affection) are disgusting. Let tell you, most wives love PDA's under the condition they are in good taste and respectful.
Women are generally more into the emotion and affection as it relates to her husband. PDA's may include the following when appropriate.
1. Holding hands.
2. Arm around shoulders or waist.
3. Casual kissing. There is bedroom and private kissing and then public kissing. You know the difference, private kissing should be kept private.
4. Cuddling. The same rule for kissing applies for cuddling.
Husbands, if you do not already participate in PDA's then I suggest you start. If you do then keep up the good work and make sure it is frequent and often. I promise you will see a improvement in the bedroom. Women will respond in your favor.
This does not mean that every where you go with your wife, you must practice PDA's, but make it natural and your wife will thank you for it. Never do anything that causes either one of you to be uncomfortable. Be proud to show your love, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Perform PDA's as spur of the moment and have fun.
Women are generally more into the emotion and affection as it relates to her husband. PDA's may include the following when appropriate.
1. Holding hands.
2. Arm around shoulders or waist.
3. Casual kissing. There is bedroom and private kissing and then public kissing. You know the difference, private kissing should be kept private.
4. Cuddling. The same rule for kissing applies for cuddling.
Husbands, if you do not already participate in PDA's then I suggest you start. If you do then keep up the good work and make sure it is frequent and often. I promise you will see a improvement in the bedroom. Women will respond in your favor.
This does not mean that every where you go with your wife, you must practice PDA's, but make it natural and your wife will thank you for it. Never do anything that causes either one of you to be uncomfortable. Be proud to show your love, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Perform PDA's as spur of the moment and have fun.
Pick Your Battles
So many marriages have so many problems not because of anything major such as adultery, abuse, alcoholism, drugs etc but because of the little nit-picking things. It is so very important to pick your battles within your marriage.
When it comes to nagging over something that is small really take the time to decide if it is really worth starting an discussion or even saying anything at all. There is nothing worse to a husband than a nagging wife, just as there is nothing worse to a wife as a nagging husband. We all do things that iritate our spouse that we see as no big deal. Just as we do it to them, they will do it to us. It is not up to us to point out every single little thing.
For example, if your spouse squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and you insist on squeezing it from the bottom don't make it a issue. Get two different tubes of toothpaste. If it is not going to effect your marriage in the big picture then move on. Your spouse will get the clue. Take time to read your spouse's body language, you can say anything out of your mouth. However, your body language will tell you a person much more and can not be hidden as easily.
Stop majoring in the minor stuff and turning mole hills into mountains. Pick your battles and take time to dicuss the major issues that come in marriage as you develop your relationship with the trinity.
When it comes to nagging over something that is small really take the time to decide if it is really worth starting an discussion or even saying anything at all. There is nothing worse to a husband than a nagging wife, just as there is nothing worse to a wife as a nagging husband. We all do things that iritate our spouse that we see as no big deal. Just as we do it to them, they will do it to us. It is not up to us to point out every single little thing.
For example, if your spouse squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and you insist on squeezing it from the bottom don't make it a issue. Get two different tubes of toothpaste. If it is not going to effect your marriage in the big picture then move on. Your spouse will get the clue. Take time to read your spouse's body language, you can say anything out of your mouth. However, your body language will tell you a person much more and can not be hidden as easily.
Stop majoring in the minor stuff and turning mole hills into mountains. Pick your battles and take time to dicuss the major issues that come in marriage as you develop your relationship with the trinity.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
In-Laws and Parents
When you were a child living in your parent's house, you did not interfere in their marriage and now that you are married, your parents should not interfere in your marriage. Just as you had respect for their house, they are to have respect for your house.
In Matthew 19:5-6 it states, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh. Therefore, what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." and then it is said again. In Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh."
As you are to always honor and respect your parents, you are to cleave together as husband and wife. Continue to make decisions based on the greater good of your union together according to the plan of God. It is possible to maintain a positive and Godly relationship with both sets of parents, but your spouse is to be the one that you turn to in terms of your marriage. Do not involve your parents in the details of your marriage.
Your parents did the same so they will respect and honor you for doing the same. Seek God first in all circumstances and situations and he will give you the answer.
In Matthew 19:5-6 it states, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh. Therefore, what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." and then it is said again. In Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh."
As you are to always honor and respect your parents, you are to cleave together as husband and wife. Continue to make decisions based on the greater good of your union together according to the plan of God. It is possible to maintain a positive and Godly relationship with both sets of parents, but your spouse is to be the one that you turn to in terms of your marriage. Do not involve your parents in the details of your marriage.
Your parents did the same so they will respect and honor you for doing the same. Seek God first in all circumstances and situations and he will give you the answer.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Fellowship With Other Married Couples
It is important to fellowship with other married couples. It is not to say that once you become married that you can't socialize with singles. However, you do have to be careful in the sense that often times singles are attempting to find a mate and often times are not faithful to one person.
They may try to get you to do the same and cheat on your spouse. Also many single friends that have been burned or can not find a potential spouse will often times try to interfere with your marriage. They will make you see issues that may not really exist.
However, there are many single friends that will continue to uplift and will show full support for your marriage and know their limits in terms of your relationship with them.
Fellowship with other married couples that are saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit and they can continue to inspire you to grow in your relationship with the trinity.
They may try to get you to do the same and cheat on your spouse. Also many single friends that have been burned or can not find a potential spouse will often times try to interfere with your marriage. They will make you see issues that may not really exist.
However, there are many single friends that will continue to uplift and will show full support for your marriage and know their limits in terms of your relationship with them.
Fellowship with other married couples that are saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit and they can continue to inspire you to grow in your relationship with the trinity.
My Spouse Is Not Saved
More often than not one spouse or the other becomes saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit at the same time. Everyone gives their salvation at different times as God continues to move in each one of us separately.
In 1 Peter 3:1 says, "Wives, be in subjection to your own husband, that, if any obey not the word, they may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives." This is especially true when wives are saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit prior to their husbands. It is not for the wives to continually preach to her husband. What wives see as trying to teach their husbands to bring them closer to the trinity, husbands will often see as nagging and will resist as a result.
It is better for wives to continue to be a credible witness as she gives glory to God. Husbands will respond when they see how the trinity lives within his wife. Be a example of how to live.
In Ephesians 5:24 it says, "So let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." So husbands, if you are saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit and your wife is not, continue to lead her as a man of God. Continue to be a credible witness and your life will give life to the seed that you plant.
Regardless of how your spouse acts, always continue to allow Jesus to live through you in your character, conduct, and commitment.
In 1 Peter 3:1 says, "Wives, be in subjection to your own husband, that, if any obey not the word, they may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives." This is especially true when wives are saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit prior to their husbands. It is not for the wives to continually preach to her husband. What wives see as trying to teach their husbands to bring them closer to the trinity, husbands will often see as nagging and will resist as a result.
It is better for wives to continue to be a credible witness as she gives glory to God. Husbands will respond when they see how the trinity lives within his wife. Be a example of how to live.
In Ephesians 5:24 it says, "So let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." So husbands, if you are saved and baptized with the Holy Spirit and your wife is not, continue to lead her as a man of God. Continue to be a credible witness and your life will give life to the seed that you plant.
Regardless of how your spouse acts, always continue to allow Jesus to live through you in your character, conduct, and commitment.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Authority in the Marriage
When God created marriage, he created it in order. Father, Son, Husband, Wife, and then children. Ephesians 5:22-33 talks about the husband being the head of the wife as Jesus is the Head of the church. The husband is to cleave to his wife and love their wives as their own bodies."
Husbands are to ensure that they are there to lead their wives into a direct relationship with the trinity. " He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.
The word of God says in Matthew 23:11 says, " He that is greatest among you shall be your servant." Husbands, you are to serve your wives. Proverbs 12:4 says, " A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband."
Women are life givers to the seed that is planted by their husband, whether it is good or bad. When Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, God held Adam both accountable and responsible. It was not considered sinful until Adam ate the fruit.
Whatever you do, do not allow your marriage to get out of order. Stay under God's authority and seek Him first at all times and He will continue to bless your marriage.
Husbands are to ensure that they are there to lead their wives into a direct relationship with the trinity. " He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.
The word of God says in Matthew 23:11 says, " He that is greatest among you shall be your servant." Husbands, you are to serve your wives. Proverbs 12:4 says, " A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband."
Women are life givers to the seed that is planted by their husband, whether it is good or bad. When Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, God held Adam both accountable and responsible. It was not considered sinful until Adam ate the fruit.
Whatever you do, do not allow your marriage to get out of order. Stay under God's authority and seek Him first at all times and He will continue to bless your marriage.
The Ten Commandments of Marriage
When my husband and I first decided to get married we can up with 10 Commandments for our marriage. I would encourage the two of you to do the same. Here are our 10 that we came up with as it pertains to us. They are all based from the Bible.
1. Seek God First. Matthew 6:33 and Mark 12
2. Daily prayer together as a couple Acts 6:4, Ephesians 6:18 Jude 1:20
3. Honor and respect each other at all times.
4. Open and non judgemental communication Eph 4:29 Phm 1:6
5. Daily verbal communication.
6. Continue dating throughout our marriage on a regular basis.
7. Continuous education in marriage.
8. Divorce is not a option Matthew 5:31-32 Mark 10:7-9
9. Never under any circumstances go to bed angry.
10. Continue to uplift and encourage each other according to the trinity.
It is not to say that your it has to remain at 10 commandments. They may change or as a couple you may add more or the order of priority may change. Always go to the Bible as it relates to your marriage.
1. Seek God First. Matthew 6:33 and Mark 12
2. Daily prayer together as a couple Acts 6:4, Ephesians 6:18 Jude 1:20
3. Honor and respect each other at all times.
4. Open and non judgemental communication Eph 4:29 Phm 1:6
5. Daily verbal communication.
6. Continue dating throughout our marriage on a regular basis.
7. Continuous education in marriage.
8. Divorce is not a option Matthew 5:31-32 Mark 10:7-9
9. Never under any circumstances go to bed angry.
10. Continue to uplift and encourage each other according to the trinity.
It is not to say that your it has to remain at 10 commandments. They may change or as a couple you may add more or the order of priority may change. Always go to the Bible as it relates to your marriage.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Marriage Myths
There are so many myths that people believe about marriage that need to be broken. Never forget, God is the creator of marriage and should be the source of where you go for your marriage.
Myth 1.) The grass must be greener on the other side.
Stop looking at other marriages and making the determination that they have a happier marriage. You only see what they portray to the outside world. You have absolutely no idea of what they have going on within the walls of their home.
Myth 2.) Things will just fall into place.
Marriage is work. We must continually work at it, for we know faith without works is dead. Things just don't fall into place, you must set the foundation and continually work for your marriage.
Myth 3.) Marriage will make you whole.
Genesis 1:26 says, "Let us make man in our image according to our likeness, let him dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." You were made whole when God created you.
These are just a few of the common myths that the world has convinced us of about marriage. It is why you must always rely on the unchanging and uncompromising word of God for your marriage.
Myth 1.) The grass must be greener on the other side.
Stop looking at other marriages and making the determination that they have a happier marriage. You only see what they portray to the outside world. You have absolutely no idea of what they have going on within the walls of their home.
Myth 2.) Things will just fall into place.
Marriage is work. We must continually work at it, for we know faith without works is dead. Things just don't fall into place, you must set the foundation and continually work for your marriage.
Myth 3.) Marriage will make you whole.
Genesis 1:26 says, "Let us make man in our image according to our likeness, let him dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." You were made whole when God created you.
These are just a few of the common myths that the world has convinced us of about marriage. It is why you must always rely on the unchanging and uncompromising word of God for your marriage.
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