What To Do When You Fall Out of Love

Unfortuanately, I hear many married couples say that they have simply fallen out of love with their spouse. This is very sad and although difficult to come back from it can be done. This happens because although you give plenty of lip service to the fact that we have unconditional love for our spouse, we really do not. We may want to believe it, but don't actually believe in our hearts.

We are still prone to the world's definition of love, which states that we love according to how we are treated, their ways, how they make us feel etc. Unconditional love in it's purest form doesn't take any of these into consideration. Also notice in the Bible, no where does God command the wife to love her husband. However in Ephesians 5 God commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

Here are a couple of suggestions to get the love back in your marriage.
1. Get back to the romance. Even if it seems strange or uncomfortable, it will begin to feel natural as time goes on.

2. Get in your Bibles, together and study every scripture on marriage according to God.

3. Fellowship with other married couples that are righteous in their conduct, character and commitment.

4. Spend time together as a couple and continue dating.

Listen to your spirit and invite the Holy Spirit into your marriage to guide, direct, teach you how to have the instition of marriage as God intended.

Sometimes You Have To Let Your Spouse Fall

As hard as it is sometimes, as long as your spouse is not going to cause grave danger to your family you have to let them fall. God teaches throughout the Bible that we will fall from time to time because we are not perfect. We all know that Jesus was the only perfect man and we are continually being perfected.

Sometimes God is putting your spouse through something so that when he feels it is time He can bring them out of it. Then once they come out of it, they can see that only God can do it. Regardless of how much we love them, it is nothing in comparison to the way that God loves them.

Step back and allow God to work with them. When the come out of it, they will be much stronger as they build their relationship with the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Let them know that you are there for them in the natural and that you will love them continuously with unconditional love. Let God be God.

Set Goals Together

We all know the importance of setting goals both long and short term for our lives. We do it for ourselves, our children, careers, and everything else. It is also important to set goals for your marriage.

Sit down with each other and create a plan to reach both your long and short term goals as a couple, and family. It has often been said that the plan didn't fail, it was that you failed to plan. Before the Holy Spirit can guide and direct your plan, you must first provide a plan.

You can have all of the faith in the world, but we know that without works, faith is dead. When you make goals together it binds your marriage together into oneness. Habakkuk 2:2 states, "Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it." Take time to write it down and make a systematic plan to reach your goals.

It will cause you to cleave to one another. Set different types of goals such as spiritual, financial, administrative, family, educational goals together as one.

Opposites Attract

We all know that opposites attract. There are very few times when two people come together that are just alike. In 2 Corintians 2:14 it says, : But by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want, that there be equality."

This means that in areas were you are lacking your spouse can fulfil that lack and vice versa. When one of you are stronger than the other, you can lift the other. When this happens there is abundance so that none suffer lack.

Be each others strength in the natural when necessay. This does not mean that one is positive or negative or better than the other. It can just be so there is a balance. For example, one of you may be quiet and reserved and the other may be loud and outgoing. The two of balance each other out so there is not complete quiet or loudness. There is a happy medium somewhere in the middle.

Take time to appreciate the differences between the two of you. If your spouse was just like you, then there would be chaos and no balance within the household. Celebrate each other for you God created you to be.

Empty Nest Syndrome

I remember when I left home for college, my mother went through empty nest syndrome. My father did also, but not as much as my mother. I think that this is the case with most parents, most often when their child(ren) move away to college.

This can be a difficult time for parents for the simple reason they don't know how to act. For some reason they freak out and can't handle it very well. Here is the advice that I gave my mom back when I left for college.

1.) Get involved in new activities outside of the house. Don't sit in the house looking at the walls. Get out and do something fun and exciting.

2.) Make new friends. Be social with others that enjoy the same things that you do.

3.) Often times, parents stop dating when the children come. Now they are gone, if you stopped you can start dating each other again.

4.) Go on a vacation and do something just for the two of you. You have done plenty for your children now do something for you.

5.) Change there room to something else. This will also show your children that it is time for them to be one their own as adults.

Naturally, you will miss your children. However, you must remember that your children want you to be happy and not sit around and mope around because they are gone.

The Gift Of The Red Rose

During the course of your marriage you will undoubtedly experience trials and tribulations. There may be times when you don't want to or don't know how to express love to your spouse.

When my husband and I got married, during our ceremony the pastor gave each of us a beautiful long stemed red rose to be our first gift exchanged between each other as husband and wife. The red rose has always been a symbol of love.

When those times occur, go get a single red rose or more if you like and place it in a spot that your spouse will notice. Even when times are hard, it will let your spouse know that you still love them and are willing to go through the hard times together. Even if your spouse doesn't respond favorably or even acknowledge your gift in the natural it will touch their spirit at some level.

Many times it is what we do more than what we say. It may take time for your spouse to respond, but we must stay the course and continue to express love to our spouse. Even when your marriage is going through a high point, leave the gift of the red rose. If you only do it when times are tough, your spouse may begin to suspect things are not as good as they think when they do receive a rose.

What To Do If Another Married Couple Comes To You For Counsel

There are times when another married couple will come to you for counsel. They may be able to see through your conduct, character, and commitment that the two of you can provide good counsel.

This is a touchy subject. There are a couple of ground rules that you should follow.
1.) Never do it alone. It should always be the four of you together and you should all be in agreement.

2.) Confidentiality is critical. They have trusted you with intimate details of their marriage. What they say or do must be kept strictly private.

3.) Do not judge them. You do not have that right, only God can judge. Remain objective, realistic and respectful at all times.

4.)Most importantly, keep it scriptual. Even if they are not believers, you know what is scriptual so stick to it and put it up in prayer.

Always remain true to your conduct, character, and commitment as you help them through this difficult time.