What To Do When You Fall Out of Love

Unfortuanately, I hear many married couples say that they have simply fallen out of love with their spouse. This is very sad and although difficult to come back from it can be done. This happens because although you give plenty of lip service to the fact that we have unconditional love for our spouse, we really do not. We may want to believe it, but don't actually believe in our hearts.

We are still prone to the world's definition of love, which states that we love according to how we are treated, their ways, how they make us feel etc. Unconditional love in it's purest form doesn't take any of these into consideration. Also notice in the Bible, no where does God command the wife to love her husband. However in Ephesians 5 God commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

Here are a couple of suggestions to get the love back in your marriage.
1. Get back to the romance. Even if it seems strange or uncomfortable, it will begin to feel natural as time goes on.

2. Get in your Bibles, together and study every scripture on marriage according to God.

3. Fellowship with other married couples that are righteous in their conduct, character and commitment.

4. Spend time together as a couple and continue dating.

Listen to your spirit and invite the Holy Spirit into your marriage to guide, direct, teach you how to have the instition of marriage as God intended.

Sometimes You Have To Let Your Spouse Fall

As hard as it is sometimes, as long as your spouse is not going to cause grave danger to your family you have to let them fall. God teaches throughout the Bible that we will fall from time to time because we are not perfect. We all know that Jesus was the only perfect man and we are continually being perfected.

Sometimes God is putting your spouse through something so that when he feels it is time He can bring them out of it. Then once they come out of it, they can see that only God can do it. Regardless of how much we love them, it is nothing in comparison to the way that God loves them.

Step back and allow God to work with them. When the come out of it, they will be much stronger as they build their relationship with the trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Let them know that you are there for them in the natural and that you will love them continuously with unconditional love. Let God be God.

Blended Family

More than ever there are more and more blended families. When one parent remarries it is important to realize that the other parent becomes the parent. For example if mom remarries or marries someone, her husband becomes father to the child(ren). The opposite is also true if a father remarries or marries again.

This does not mean that the child's relationship with their biological father ceases to exist or that they must stop loving, honoring, or respecting their biological father. It does mean that the non biological parent must treat their spouses children as their own. Just because they did not procreate to have that child there should be absolutely no difference in how they raise the child.

When you marry, you must become a family unit as husband, wife, and children. You are to be the authority of the children. They are your children. The word "step-children" is completely worldly. Do not allow any form of disrespect towards the new parent from the children.

The children will take time to adjust, but will the proper guidance and love they will learn to respect, honor, and cherish their time with you. Exercise patience and love with them at all times.

Time Apart

The Bible teaches that we are to be each other's best friend and be one with one another. It does not say that we have to be joined at the hip 24/7 everyday of the year. As a married couple, you must understand that every now and then you need some time apart. There is a fine line between too much time and not enough time apart.

Take time to recharge your battery and a fresh view. When you come back to your spouse you will be rejuvenated and refreshed. Husbands and wives need time to reflect on things both together and apart. When you miss someone, it makes you appreciate them that much more. If they are always there, then often times you will just expect them to do certain things and lose appreciation for them.

There are times when a disagreement occurs, you need to take a moment alone with God to just pray about it first. James 1:19 says,"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." Do not feel guilty for needing time away. Come back together in love and humility.

Love Language

When God created us, he created each of us to be different from one another. We all have our own ways, thoughts, mind sets, and emotions. Therefore, there are different ways in which we understand and relate to other people. Even in the case of what the world calls identical twins there are differences on some level.

There are three basic ways that we as people comprehend trust, respect, and yes...even love. As you know there are two forms of communication. They are verbal and non verbal. Whether or not you realize it, you utilize both in your every day life. There are three different ways in which others intrpret what we are trying to say. They are 1.)Auditory-pretty much what comes out of our mouth. Whenever we say something they pick up on our tone. Is it loving and soft or is it sarcastic, hard, or hesitiate? 2.) Visual-is simply what we do that they can see. Do we do things just to keep them quiet and from bickering or do we do them out of love and compassion. 3.) Kinsetic- How do we show affection towards them? Do we greet them with a hug and kiss or do we push them away when they even look like they want to get close?

Find out what your spouse's love language. If they are auditory they will need to hear you say "I love you". The spouse that is visual may not necessarily need to hear it, but see it through maybe receiving constant gifts for no reason. The kinsetic spouse may need to have that hug and kiss every morning. Just because your love language may be different, be willing to take the stretch and submit to their love language.

Be communicative about your love language. Let your spouse know what you need from them to show you that they have feelings of love towards you. Do not expect them to just know. The Holy Spirit is the only mind reader, don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader.

True love goes both ways between spouses. Before you can receive love, you must first be willing to give love.The more you speak their love language, the more they will speak your love language.

Make the Love Decision

Love is not a feeling it is a decision. Feelings change daily, if you have made the decision to love then your feelings become obsolete. You are commanded to love according to God. In 1Corinthians 13:4,"Love suffers long and is kind, does not envy, love does not parade itself. Is not puffed up, does not behave seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in inquity, but rejoices in the truth....love never fails."

We are to love each other the way that God loves us. Hebrews 13:5 says," I will never leave you nor forsake you." We are to love each other regardless of how we are treated. When you have a understanding of what true love is, everything else is a cheap substitute.

When you say the words, "I love you" to someone make sure they have meaning. To say them without meaning serves no merit. Marriage is not a contract to protect your rights. When you get married you give up your individual rights and everything that you have becomes your spouses and vice versa.

It is only God's love when it is lead by your decision. Jesus didn't worship emotions so neither should you. Learn how to forgive AND forget. In Romans 8:1 it states, " There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." If you are to be like Christ then you are not to condemn others.

Know that God is love and that you are to love like God.